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Are You In A Good Relationship?

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

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It’s not always easy to tell if you are in a good relationship.

are you in a bad or good love relationship?

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship.

If you define a good relationship as one that always satisfies your desires and inspires your feelings of appreciation, you actually doom yourself to a bad relationship.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you need to feel up all the time to regard yours as a good relationship, you are overlooking the fact that there is great, great good available in our challenges.

For instance, one common source of dissatisfaction in relationships is the feeling that the other person feels resentment toward you. In response to this feeling, you might resent that other person.

If you examine your feelings honestly, you will realize that any feeling of resentment that you experience, whomever you believe or imagine the source to be, exists within you.  It is YOUR state of resentment.

As long as you CHOOSE to live in a state of resentment you are CHOOSING to live without love.

If you regard another person as the cause of how you feel, you blame someone else
for the negative feelings that you choose to live in.

How you feel about ANYONE is really a choice.  It has nothing to do with how another may feel or act.

Your feelings about another are a reaction
to the thoughts you hold in mind.

Instead of resenting another for resenting you, simply let go of your own feelings of resentment and you’ll begin feeling more free, happy and in love.

A person might believe that she is not in a good relationship based on the belief, feeling or idea that her mate resents her.  But the good of that relationship is the opportunity it gives her to wake up to how she resents herself, so she can finally release herself from that pattern.

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Posted in Wisie for Relationship |

Break Up Advice For Leavers

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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Relationship advice on break up of a relationship

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

One of the most important pieces of “break up advice” for leavers has to do with the relationship between endings and new beginnings.

More specifically, this “break up advice” pertains to the role of compassion and integrity in HOW you leave.

Of course out of a sheer sense of compassion and integrity you want to be kind and
considerate of the other’s feelings in the way you make your exit.
This break up advice should go without saying.

But a deeper understanding can help drive this break up advice home. When you repress your sense of compassion and integrity, it will eat away at you on some level, making you feel unworthy of love, respect, trust, happiness, health and success.  And when you feel unworthy of these, a part of you works at sabotaging them.

Beyond this, it is important to understand that how you end one relationship determines how your next relationship will go.

Essential Break Up Advice: Remember that if you behave in a dishonest, self-serving, cruel
or callous manner you are headed toward others who behave that way.

We attract the lessons we need to choose life-paths that express the utmost compassion and integrity.

You will attract into your life people and circumstances that bring you some form of suffering as a result of your selfish choices to teach you the truth that selfishness really does not work.

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

Just as the seed contains the total potential of the plant it can become, your new relationship is bound to express the same level of selfishness that you expressed in ending your previous relationship.

The purpose of this “break up advice” is not to persuade you to remain in a relationship that you believe in your heart is truly over, but rather to clarify the importance of practicing
self-honesty every step of the way.

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Looking For Love Works

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

looking for love

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Time is all that separates seeking and finding, but we never really know for sure how long it will take us to find what – or who – we seek.

But we can trust in the fact that we shorten the time between seeking and finding the more we develop and apply our power of focus.

To find the love that you are looking for may require a great deal of perseverance.  Along the way to any goal of great importance to us, we need to be willing to pass through valleys of disappointment.

One key to successfully looking for love involves learning how to pass through disappointment.  And the vital element to bear in mind regarding this is passing through.

When we land in yet another disappointment, it’s all too easy to get stuck there. We get stuck in disappointment by keeping the idea of it in mind.  Whatever you focus upon, though, is where you are headed.  That is why looking for love works.

As long as you are anticipating disappointment you are not fully looking for love.  You are at least partially looking for lovelessness.

To find the love you are looking for, therefore, you need to free your focus from expectations of a replay of a sorrowful past episode in your love-life.

To do this, intentionally direct your focus to contemplate the experience of love that you want in your life.  The more you practice this, the clearer your love-goal grows and the more attuned you will be to recognize your opportunity for achieving it.

Looking for love with doubt that it can happen means that you are looking with a split focus. Doubting that you can achieve what you want keeps a part of your attention fixated on failure.

Look into your heart to feel, know and envision the love you want in your life.
Looking for the love you want works.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Recapture Love In Your Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Love leaves relationships when we leave love. Love leaves relationships when we overlook how we leave love.

 We leave love by holding onto ideas of our partner and of our relationship
that close our heart with a wall of fear.

 Clinging to ideas about what others have done or may do that disturbs you locks you into threatening visions that remove your love from relationships.

 Your mind then relates with the vision as the reality and begins relating with the other as an enemy, in a state of unhappy conflict.

This, in turn, causes the other to feel insecure and become defensive. Then both parties leave love and hide their hearts behind protective barriers of fear.

Conflict in love relationships

Insecurity steals our love from relationships and it often hides behind critical reactions of annoyance, impatience, frustration and rage.

 In a long term relationship, critically, fearfully thinking about our partner
can become a deeply and strongly rooted habit.

 When you take responsibility for your critical, insecure thought and feeling patterns you can begin to let them go. Gradually, you can withdraw your energy from the habitual fear-patterns that would otherwise withdraw your love from relationships.

 As you do this you will discover that love is a safe “place” to be.

 But the insecurity that steals our love from relationships is not always obvious.  It hides behind critical reactions of annoyance, impatience, frustration and rage. 

 The more anger one lives in, the more insecure one feels.

 Fear is why we can only change our angry, critical patterns gradually. We are afraid to let go, afraid to open our hearts. The key to returning love to our relationships is to take tiny “baby” steps toward liberation.

Each time that you engage, or re-engage, in a critical, angry emotional reaction you feed your fear-to-love-habit and it grows stronger. 

Every moment that you release yourself from the habit by letting go of the critical thought and feeling that expresses it, the habit weakens and sets your love free.

Though this practice, you will soon find yourself more quickly recognizing when you are leaving love in your relationships, and more quickly and easily let that love-blockage go.

Gradually free yourself from your heart-departures by GENTLY withdrawing small degrees of energy from that reaction.  You can do this by:

  • Speaking a little softer,
  • Releasing some of your tension
  • Taking a breath to calm yourself just a bit
  • Letting go of the critical thought that triggers your rejection of love.

 Each time you do this, the grip of insecurity weakens, releasing more energy for love to return and grow in your relationships.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Relationship Advice: Cultivate Non-Reactivity

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

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Among the most important pieces of relationship advice that one can find helps one to recognize and release from distressing automatic reactivity.

When you react with any form of irritation, you give yourself a stressful experience. But if you are not self-aware enough, you will presume the other person causes your reaction and resent that person for how disturbed your reaction makes you feel. Resentment then drives you into conflict, which increases your feeling of disturbance.

As long as you regard others as responsible for your responses,
you deprive yourself of your power to improve your responses
and miss your opportunity for more success and satisfaction in relationships.

relationship advice for genuine liberation

When you react with any form of irritation, you give yourself a stressful experience

If you feel stuck in a relationship problem, the perspective of the relationship advice presented here makes the cause clear:

•       You are repeating a painful a reaction pattern

•       You are blaming the other person for your reaction

Cultivating non-reactivity is one great solution. Following this relationship advice does not mean repressing how you feel. It means attaining genuine liberation from the painful reaction-patterns that make relationships difficult.

As you liberate more and more of your energy from your old, painful reactions you will no longer feel stuck in a relationship problem.

To cultivate non-reactivity and achieve your liberation:

•       See your reactions as experiences you give to yourself.

•       Practice being more self-aware in the present to recognize when you are slipping into a stressful, disturbing reaction.

•       When you realize that you are experiencing an unpleasant reaction, focus your attention on your present experience of that reaction, without thinking of any person or situation as the cause.

•       From that state of self-awareness you will find that you can gradually withdraw your energy from your disturbed reaction and experience more peace.

Following this relationship advice will gradually free you from the suffering caused by stressful reactivity.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Enjoy A Healthy Relationship

By Bob Lancer
Monday, January 10th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

A healthy relationship means that you function within it in a healthy way. When you relate with much nervousness, anxiety, frustration or other forms of emotional strain, it harms your health.

This does not necessarily make the relationship unhealthy, but rather, your way of relating.

Relationship advice

Refrain from thinking, speaking and acting under stress to keep your love and relationships healthy.

When you feel in the grips of a stressful emotional reaction, here is a healthy way of dealing with it. Refrain from:

•       Thinking

•       Speaking

•       Acting

in ways that increase your stress.

Just allow your stressful feelings to be there.
Let them flow without holding onto them
and without holding them back.

You may need to take some time for solitude to permit yourself to fully feel how you feel without the burden of having to interact during that difficult time.

You will soon return to a more calm state of harmony and engage with others in a healthy way.

Just as, for a healthy relationship, you may not need to leave relationship – feeling dissatisfied in a relationship does not necessarily mean that you have to leave the relationship for fulfillment.  You can leave your dissatisfaction first.

Until we are conscious enough of our thoughts and feelings, we unconsciously project their cause outside ourselves.

And yet, our critical thoughts and feelings about others
are internal conditions that we give ourselves.

Examine your thoughts and feelings more closely to discover that no one “makes” you feel dissatisfied, and you can let dissatisfaction go.

If you habitually focus on what another does that bothers you, you hold onto your disturbed feelings and blame the other for how you feel.

So before criticizing or complaining about the other person, pay more attention to yourself to notice how you are giving yourself unpleasant experience.

From there you can release yourself for a healthy, happy relationship experience.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Relationship Help: Beware of Manipulation

By Bob Lancer
Friday, January 7th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Often, people who seek relationship help expect to find relationship tips for getting someone else to change in some way.

The fact is that there really is no sane or healthy way to “make” people to do something they don’t want to do.

Begging, nagging, bribing, enticing or intimidating may drive someone into “caving in” to your will or wishes for a very short term basis and on a very superficial level, but then you have to continue doing this for control, which traps YOU into patterns of behavior that you do not want to endure.

To achieve the fulfillment that you want in a relationship, help yourself by no longer struggling to change others. Regard yourself as the creator of your relationship experiences.

What YOU say, think, feel and do
determines what happens to you.

Relationship help and advice

Here’s real relationship help: remember that trust is one of your greatest creative powers.

How others relate with you is life’s reactions to your actions. In relationships, as in every other area of life, you can achieve all of the success and fulfillment that your heart desires.  It happens to as you direct YOUR creative forces in line with what you really want.

The downside of manipulation is that you soon find yourself right back at it, and because we reap what we sow, you also soon find yourself being the object of other people’s efforts to manipulate you.

The more you criticize and complain about others, the more you find to criticize and complain about.

Keep your heart and mind open to the possibility that you can
experience the fulfillment of your heart’s desire.

Never accept for one moment the notion that you must be deprived on any level. Here’s real relationship help: remember that trust is one of your greatest creative powers.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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How To Bring More Love Into Your Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, September 9th, 2010

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

We would all love more love in our relationships. But our loving feelings for one another seem to come and go. One moment we feel loving, the next we feel hurt, resentful, disconnected. This occurs in marriage,
in our relationships with our children, in our friendships and professional relationships. It even occurs in our relationship with <em>ourselves</em>!

No matter how hard we try, we just don’t seem to have the power to bring more love into our relationships. How is it that we can want something so much, and yet seem so powerless to achieve it?

There is a law of creation that states: Within every desire is the power to satisfy it. And yet, there are so many “things” in life that we want without satisfaction. Does this negate that law? No. But it does indicate that we do not know how to work with the law.

Love and relationships are the essence of life

To access the power to satisfy your desire you have to go into your desire. All that prevents you from satisfying your desire for more love in your relationships is becoming distracted from your desire for love. When you feel hurt or angry, your attention shifts from your desire for love to another desire. It may be for revenge, for escape, for the power to turn back time in order to better defend yourself.

Within the power of desire is a feeling and a vision of the desire’s satiation. Living in the feeling and vision of the love you want instantly liberates your love, unless you resist love. As long as you resist love, you live without love.

Here, then, is a key for bringing more love into your relationships: discipline the focus of your attention to keep it focused on your desire for love. The price you must pay for love is to religiously remember to remain aware of your desire for love. You can have all the love in relationships that you want.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Relationship Advice For Strife

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Relationship advice is often difficult to follow because it guides us to NOT follow our habitual ways. But it is our habitual ways that keep us stuck in our same old problems.

Stress affects love relationship

Don't let stress effect your love relationship

The relationship advice presented here calls upon you to overcome your habitual stress pattern.

A common mistake that couples make in their efforts to improve their lives, extricate themselves from difficulties and fulfill their responsibilities is to function in an uptight, impatient, stressful mode.

This mode, however, leads to strife in their relationship.  When you feel stressed you become difficult to get along with.  You end up inciting stress in your mate, and that makes your mate difficult to get along with.

Many of the conflicts that couples face are caused by stress. You might presume that your mate is the problem when you are living in such a stressful way that you can’t help but feel antagonized.

You make a harmonious, loving relationship unattainable for yourself as long as you refuse to live in a harmonious, loving way.  To diminish relationship strife, follow this relationship advice: diminish the stress in your life.

comforting love relationships

Build a harmonious love relationship

Stress is not caused by circumstances, but by driving ourselves too hard to control our circumstances.

To change this pattern, notice how much stress you presently feel. When you notice yourself feeling stressed, nervous, anxious or frustrated, take a breath, ease up on yourself, let go of the thoughts about what can go wrong if you don’t continue pushing yourself.

Little by little, tiny degree by tiny degree, you can replace your habitual stress with more conscious, intentional calm.

As you apply this relationship advice, you will find that you can actually be more effective and successful by functioning in a calm, confident manner, and that you find it much easier to maintain a loving, harmonious relationship with your mate.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Posted in Wisie for Relationship, Wisie for Success |

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