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Success Secret Of The Ages: It’s All A Gift

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 24th, 2011

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Here is a success secret that that just may change your life:
relate to everything as your perfect gift.

What happens to you does not really impact how you feel. Attitude makes the difference between joy and sorrow, appreciation and disdain.

When you relate to what is happening right now, even when it includes suffering, as your perfect gift, you will begin feeling better about what happens.

You will be less fearful of unpleasant situations when you apply this success secret. You will begin to see the pure and perfect opportunity delivered by each moment.

When we compare our situation to another’s, and ours seems to come up short by comparison, we are doing the opposite of applying this success secret, and suffering the painful, pointless consequences.

There is no experience to resist.
It’s all a gift.

success secret

Here is a success secret that that just may change your life: relate to everything as your perfect gift.

  • Discouragement is a gift and elation is a gift.
  • Consciousness is a gift and unconsciousness is a gift.
  • Harmony is a gift and discord is a gift.
  • Knowing it’s a gift is a gift and not knowing it’s a gift is a gift.
  • Loss is a gift and gain is a gift.
  • Kindness is a gift and insanity is a gift.
  • Health is a gift and illness is a gift.
  • Getting it right is a gift and getting it wrong is a gift.
  • Pleasure is a gift and pain is a gift.

This success secret will come to life for you if you remember to question your reaction whenever you feel deprived or let down in any way.

Simply open your mind to the possibility that whatever is happening comes to you from the perfect love and wisdom of an absolutely Good Order Delivery system (or God).

Apply this success secret to discover your fearful resistance melting away, replaced by a sense of grateful release and relief.

Perhaps the most profound success secret of the ages posits the Source of what happens as infinite perfection.

Plato referred to the basic pattern of existence as essentially Good. You will also find this success secret in:

  • the Hermetic wisdom of Egyptian antiquity
  • in the ancient Tao
  • in Hinduism
  • In the Jewish Kabbalah
  • at the heart of Christianity
  • in the teachings of Buddhism
  • in the transcendental philosophies of Whitman and Emerson

It is only our superficial judgment and habitual emotional reaction
that turns any event against us.

Apply this success secret of the ages to discover just how good – how great – how wonderful your life CAN be.

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Relationship Tip: How To NOT Get Along

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 24th, 2011

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relationship tip

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

One relationship tip that we rarely find is how to NOT get along.

And yet, such a relationship tip is really essential, because in any relationship that lasts a significant length of time, it is inevitable that there will be times when the two of you just can’t get along.

Relationship tips usually focus on how TO get along.  But just as important is knowing how to NOT get along.

There really is a healthy, constructive, beneficial way
of NOT getting along.

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

This occurs when you find either you or your partner in a very low, cranky or cantankerous mood.  Moods are bound to go up and down.

Trying to harmoniously connect with one of you feel very irritable is like
trying to drink water from an empty cup.
It is going to be just plain impossible.

Because our moods are contagious, it is easy to respond to crankiness with crankiness, and this is exactly how NOT to Not get along.

To apply this relationship tip, regard crankiness as a sign that it is time to be independent.  If you feel nervous or insecure when you cannot connect with your mate, take that as a sign that you really need this.  As your anxiety comes up, you can gradually let it go, and so “cure” yourself of excessive emotional dependency.

Irritability is a sign that a person needs some space and time to work out his or her own emotional state.  For whatever reason – it may be tiredness, hunger, a particularly challenging day, illness or something else – for the good of the relationship, let go of the relationship for a while.

If you find yourself feeling resentful, lonely, or needy when you need to give your partner some space, just let those feelings be there, without resisting them. Then focus on doing what you want to do for yourself until you find that fulfilling.

As you apply this relationship tip for how to NOT get along,
you will actually find the two of you getting along
BETTER in the long run.

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Parent Help For Child Meltdowns (1)

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

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Child development is hampered by instability at home

The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along

Understanding the many factors that may contribute to a child’s routine emotional

meltdowns may provide a concerned parent with the help needed for solving the problem:

  • A parent is slipping into deep states of depression or discouragement and coping poorly with that by engaging in destructive action or speech
  • The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along, or parents discussing (or going through) separation or divorce.
  • The child routinely feels tired because she is staying up too late or not getting enough sleep (or the child is suffering from some other form of physical distress)
  • Children “melt down” (as adults often do) when they feel that they are not receiving the parent help they need when they use more calm forms of expression.  This can be the result of:
    • The parents paying insufficient attention to the child BEFORE she blows up or acts out
    • The parents responding defensively to the child’s attempts to communicate a need.
    • The parents over-relying on the child’s ability to verbally articulate her wants and needs – At least 75% of communication is NON-verbal, and to receive that message you have to observe facial expressions, physical behavior, gestures, voice tones, etc.
    • The parents interrupt and talk over the child when she is trying to express herself verbally.
  • The parents routinely express an attitude of “I am right and you are wrong” rather than expressing, “I hear and understand you and will do my best to give you the parent help you need for happiness AND responsibility”.
  • Someone in the household is modeling emotional explosiveness and blaming it on someone else.  (Usually the parent explodes in response to the child and blames the child for the anger, resentment, impatience, frustration and outburst.)

Part 2 of Parent Help For Child Emotional Meltdowns will be posted in the next parenting blog entry.

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“Secret” Skills for Success

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

There are many commonly known skills for success, including

success-secrets

Focus on the now to feel renewed. Now is a new beginning

  • Time management
  • Clarifying goals
  • Building strategic alliances
  • Adhering to integrity
  • Pursing ongoing self-development
  • Persevering

There are also less well-known or more secret skills for success.

One pertains to an essential ingredient for perseverance: the success skill of dropping burdensome memories of how many times you have started, or of how long you have worked without results.

Achieving major goals can take a very long time;
longer than you ever thought it would
or even should take you.

Making effort can grow increasingly tiresome. If you think about past disappointments you can begin to feel discouraged.

As discouragement mounts it drains more and more of the power and focus we need to make the most possible progress toward your desired destination.

If you are feeling frustrated or disheartened about achieving a goal, this is one of the most important skills for success for you to remember.

Focus on the now to feel renewed.
Now is a new beginning.

To hold onto your past is to horde experiences, which clutters your way forward. To enter the now, let the past go.

Be a beginner now: now is the time to begin the creation of what you want right now.

Here is another of those “secret” skills for success; it relates to letting go of the past.  This is the success skill of being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present.

You have to notice that you are holding
onto the past to let it go!

As you practice the skills for success of:

  • Being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present
  • And of letting go of the burden of thinking about the disappointing past, you accomplish two things

  1. You will feel freer, lighter and more energized in the present moment
  2. You will be giving your all right now for all you want right now

Put these skills for success to work for you to discover just how wonderfully they really do work!

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Are You In A Good Relationship?

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

It’s not always easy to tell if you are in a good relationship.

are you in a bad or good love relationship?

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship.

If you define a good relationship as one that always satisfies your desires and inspires your feelings of appreciation, you actually doom yourself to a bad relationship.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you need to feel up all the time to regard yours as a good relationship, you are overlooking the fact that there is great, great good available in our challenges.

For instance, one common source of dissatisfaction in relationships is the feeling that the other person feels resentment toward you. In response to this feeling, you might resent that other person.

If you examine your feelings honestly, you will realize that any feeling of resentment that you experience, whomever you believe or imagine the source to be, exists within you.  It is YOUR state of resentment.

As long as you CHOOSE to live in a state of resentment you are CHOOSING to live without love.

If you regard another person as the cause of how you feel, you blame someone else
for the negative feelings that you choose to live in.

How you feel about ANYONE is really a choice.  It has nothing to do with how another may feel or act.

Your feelings about another are a reaction
to the thoughts you hold in mind.

Instead of resenting another for resenting you, simply let go of your own feelings of resentment and you’ll begin feeling more free, happy and in love.

A person might believe that she is not in a good relationship based on the belief, feeling or idea that her mate resents her.  But the good of that relationship is the opportunity it gives her to wake up to how she resents herself, so she can finally release herself from that pattern.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Children’s Feelings And Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Child behavior problems don’t just happen. They can always be attributed to causes.

What we label “behavior problems” are behaviors that lead the child into difficulty, and/or which we simply find it difficult to deal with.

The “difficult” infant may be trying to us simply because we find the natural, instinctive ways of an infant hard for us to handle.

How we respond to a child’s behavior influences the child’s future behavior

Our lack of patience, understanding, and child-relationship skills may be the cause

We can create behavior problems by misreading what the child actually needs from us to develop more caring, orderly, responsible behavior.

How we respond to a child’s behavior influences
the child’s future behavior.

One way to avoid creating behavior problems or making them worse is to practice reading your child’s feelings.  This requires observing the child calmly and perceptively to sense the emotion expressing through the child’s face, gestures, movements, sounds and words.

If you repeatedly, harshly hurt a child’s feelings, deepening the child’s sadness and distrust in you, the child is bound to demonstrate increasingly challenging behavior problems. From the standpoint of child behavior, it doesn’t matter if you do this unintentionally.

For children to behave well they need
to feel basically secure.

One common cause of overlooking a child’s feelings is over-relying on words to understand the child.  Even with the most verbally skillful adults, 75% of communication occurs on a non-verbal level.  To adequately relate with anyone we need to look and listen for the non-verbal cues of the individual’s present emotional condition.

Another cause of overlooking a child’s feelings has to do with our automatic reactions to the child’s behavior.

Automatic reactions miss the signs that
convey what the child needs.

When a child defies our direction, does the opposite of what she knows we expect, creates a mess or confronts us with any other challenge, to avoid causing more severe behavior problems, we need to base our response on how the child is feeling.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Tap The Power of Inspiring Thoughts

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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inspirational thoughts give positive power

The purpose of thought is creation. You create what you think about.

Have you ever wondered where your inspiring thoughts come from?

Inspiring thoughts come from a center of deep inner peace.

Worrisome thinking arises from an anxious, nervous state.

Understanding the source of inspiring thoughts can help you choose your thoughts for positive power.

The purpose of thought is creation.
You create what you think about.
To choose your thoughts is to
choose your destiny.

Inspiring thoughts create conditions that you desire.

When you worry, your thinking forms possibilities you don’t want.

When you connect with inspiring thoughts you feel spiritually uplifted.

When you connect with worrisome thoughts you feel strained, drained and demoralized.

When you feel inspired by the idea of creating, say, a great work of art, or a great business, you can then form that idea into a goal and take action aimed at accomplishing that goal.

The inspiration you feel when you revisit that idea fuels your motivation to work, overcome obstacles and persevere through losses and difficulty.

Every moment you spend worrying, though, drains you of that motivation and leads you toward dreadful possibilities.

Since inspirational thoughts are more constructive than worry,
you would think that no one would choose worry.
And yet, we do make that choice.

We worry because we believe, either consciously or unconsciously, that we have no choice.  But we actually do have a choice.

You can shift out of a worried thought just as you can choose to think about a pink elephant, and then shift your thought to a blue elephant, at will.

To Shift From Worry To Inspiration

  • Take a few calming breaths, rest from activity, and ask yourself, “What would I love to bring about in my life?”
  • Follow that with a calm, quiet, inner openness and trust that an idea will come.
  • Your inspirational thoughts will soon begin to flow.

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Break Up Advice For Leavers

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Relationship advice on break up of a relationship

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

One of the most important pieces of “break up advice” for leavers has to do with the relationship between endings and new beginnings.

More specifically, this “break up advice” pertains to the role of compassion and integrity in HOW you leave.

Of course out of a sheer sense of compassion and integrity you want to be kind and
considerate of the other’s feelings in the way you make your exit.
This break up advice should go without saying.

But a deeper understanding can help drive this break up advice home. When you repress your sense of compassion and integrity, it will eat away at you on some level, making you feel unworthy of love, respect, trust, happiness, health and success.  And when you feel unworthy of these, a part of you works at sabotaging them.

Beyond this, it is important to understand that how you end one relationship determines how your next relationship will go.

Essential Break Up Advice: Remember that if you behave in a dishonest, self-serving, cruel
or callous manner you are headed toward others who behave that way.

We attract the lessons we need to choose life-paths that express the utmost compassion and integrity.

You will attract into your life people and circumstances that bring you some form of suffering as a result of your selfish choices to teach you the truth that selfishness really does not work.

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

Just as the seed contains the total potential of the plant it can become, your new relationship is bound to express the same level of selfishness that you expressed in ending your previous relationship.

The purpose of this “break up advice” is not to persuade you to remain in a relationship that you believe in your heart is truly over, but rather to clarify the importance of practicing
self-honesty every step of the way.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Child Discipline Alternative To Saying “No”

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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Frustration and child discipline do not mix well

For easier child discipline, try telling your child HOW or WHEN she CAN do what she wants, instead of bluntly clashing against her will.

When it comes to child discipline, “no” does not always seem to work.

One reason for this is the natural, human tendency to go into denial.  When your child wants to do something, and you say “no”, a part of him that does not want to hear that, causing him to, perhaps unconsciously, pretend you did not say it.

But even when you have your child’s full attention, the word “no” may still not work well for you.  One reason for this is that it simply presents opposition, which will likely frustrate your child, and frustration and child discipline do not mix well.

One effective child discipline alternative to saying “no” is to redirect instead of merely to block.

Rather then simply saying “no” let your child know
what he CAN do instead.

For instance, if your child asks for a cookie, you might say, “You can have a cookie after you eat all of your lunch later.”

If your child wants to play outside, but it’s too dark out for you to allow it, instead of saying “no” you might say, “You can play outside only when it is light enough to be safe.”

If your child snatches something from her younger sister, instead of simply barking out, “no!” you might say, “You can play with that when she is done.”

By letting your child know what he CAN do, you diminish his natural resistance to opposition.

While it requires a bit more patience and self-control to replace your automatic “no” with a reasonable, positive response, it saves you the strain of a power-struggle.  It also helps your child to remain more calm and rational because children feel how we feel while we are with them.

For easier child discipline, try telling your child HOW or WHEN she CAN
do what she wants, instead of bluntly clashing against her will.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Looking For Love Works

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

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looking for love

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Time is all that separates seeking and finding, but we never really know for sure how long it will take us to find what – or who – we seek.

But we can trust in the fact that we shorten the time between seeking and finding the more we develop and apply our power of focus.

To find the love that you are looking for may require a great deal of perseverance.  Along the way to any goal of great importance to us, we need to be willing to pass through valleys of disappointment.

One key to successfully looking for love involves learning how to pass through disappointment.  And the vital element to bear in mind regarding this is passing through.

When we land in yet another disappointment, it’s all too easy to get stuck there. We get stuck in disappointment by keeping the idea of it in mind.  Whatever you focus upon, though, is where you are headed.  That is why looking for love works.

As long as you are anticipating disappointment you are not fully looking for love.  You are at least partially looking for lovelessness.

To find the love you are looking for, therefore, you need to free your focus from expectations of a replay of a sorrowful past episode in your love-life.

To do this, intentionally direct your focus to contemplate the experience of love that you want in your life.  The more you practice this, the clearer your love-goal grows and the more attuned you will be to recognize your opportunity for achieving it.

Looking for love with doubt that it can happen means that you are looking with a split focus. Doubting that you can achieve what you want keeps a part of your attention fixated on failure.

Look into your heart to feel, know and envision the love you want in your life.
Looking for the love you want works.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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