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Conscious Parenting Tips To Understand Your Child

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

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avoid developing a behavior problem

Spend time every day simply calmly, consciously observing your child

A child’s problematic behavior often stems from a parent misreading the child.

 

Parenting as effectively as possible produces the best child behavior results.  It requires clear and accurate recognition of our children’s present need for appropriate behavior.

 

To know what our children need from us to avoid developing a behavior problem, or to improve their behavior, we need to be very aware in the present moment.

 

Getting too caught up in our daily tasks, we may pay superficial attention to the child, causing us to overlook the child’s subtle signs of need, like a sadly drooping face or an aggressive clenching of a fist.

 

Destructive behavior that seems to come “out of the blue” could often have been prevented if the parent had paid closer attention beforehand to recognize what the child required BEFORE she began throwing a tantrum, BEFORE he began kicking the pet, BEFORE he began biting his sibling.

 

Perhaps the child’s deepest, most fundamental need is for us to demonstrate CONSCIOUS parenting.

 

Alert, conscious observation of the child in the present reveals the true self of the child.

 

And that “self” becomes the best form of guidance for parents, showing us just what this particular child needs at this particular time for great child behavior and positive child development.

 

When we fall into habitual, “mechanical” unconscious parenting, even when we are with our children we are not really there, and they sense it.

 

To gain our deeper involvement they may resort to inappropriate, or even outrageous behavior, even when they “know better”.

 

Behavior problems manifest as our parental responses mismatch the needs that our children express.

 

Conscious Parenting Tips:

 

  1. Spend time every day simply calmly, consciously observing your child.

 

  1. As you apply this parenting tip, look for your child’s subtle physical signs that express her mood, attitude, and feelings in general.

 

As you practice more CONSCIOUS parenting, you will:

  • Experience deeper and more accurate understanding of your child.
  • Be better at predicting when your child is headed toward behaving improperly.
  • More effectively meet your child’s need for great child behavior.

 

Feel welcome share in this blog your experience of applying these Conscious Parenting Tips, and any questions that you have about your child’s behavior.

 


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Motivate Your Child for Child Discipline

By Bob Lancer
Sunday, December 4th, 2011

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Encouraging Children With Positive Motivation

As parents, we need to live in positive motivation to pass on that wonderful spirit to our children

Here is a wonderful secret for how to motivate your child to display beautiful, responsible self-conduct and a great attitude WITHOUT you having to strain for child discipline.

Develop your SELF-motivation.

Self-motivation is a product of a happy way of life.

I’ve discovered with my kids that they definitely reflect the mood that I’m in.

When I become stressed, when I start to rush, when I overtax myself with multi-taxing, my positive motivation declines and my kids seem to need more child discipline from me.

But instead of pushing myself even harder to control their behavior with stern intensity, I relax, ease up on myself, and remember to ENJOY my kids instead of working too hard to control my kids.

As I do this, they need less child discipline from me.

When you feel motivated, enthused, in love with your life, you automatically motivate your child to behave beautifully, reducing your need to apply stern child discipline.

Since long before I had children I have been training myself to live in a mode that permits me to experience joy, peace, and love.

I learned that by slowing down, relaxing, paying more attention to the present moment, and remaining committed to enjoying my life, not just living my life, I feel more motivated.

I learned to listen to signals of my body.  For instance, while writing this blog I began feeling too hungry to concentrate without strain, so I paused for lunch.

While lunching, I looked out my window and noticed the sun shining, and that enticed me.  So I ate my lunch in the warm sunlight.

Honoring my feelings helps me stay motivated and, by extension, to motivate my child.

When I became a parent, I brought this wisdom into parenting.  I work on dealing with every parenting challenge with fulfillment, peace and inspiration.

Happy parenting is not necessarily irresponsible parenting.  If you commit to it, YOU can learn how to bring more joy into your handling of your child leaving a mess behind, fibbing, breaking an expensive dish.

It comes down to the quality of life you want.

Here is an exercise to live in joy,
so you can motivate your child automatically:

Take one day to concentrate on doing whatever you do
with more joy, fulfillment and satisfaction.

Take this into your parenting.  Whatever you do for or with your child, concentrate on making it an enjoyable experience for yourself.

This blog is your chance to contribute to the world’s parenting wisdom.
Please share with us, your “parent wisdom community”,
your experiences of doing this exercise.

Also share any questions you have about how to live in joy,
motivate your child and child discipline.

You CAN bring more joy, love and fulfillment into whatever must be done, if you make that a priority for yourself.

As parents, we need to live in positive motivation to pass on that wonderful spirit to our children.

To motivate your child, motivate yourself.

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom of Charitable Parenting

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

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parenting tools for charitable parenting

Children need a certain measure of parental charitableness for the nurturing of their hearts and to inspire them to demonstrate their beautiful potential.

In conversations about parenting children, rarely do parents discuss the role of charity in parenting.

 

You might hear about a child’s accomplishments, about the trouble a child is getting into, about the need for discipline, but how often do you hear the word “charity” as it applies to parenting?

And yet, of all the parenting tips you might receive, there is none more important or valuable than why, how, and when to demonstrate CHARITABLE PARENTING.

Children need a certain measure of parental charitableness for the nurturing of their hearts and to inspire them to demonstrate their beautiful potential.

In the Wisie for kids wisdom video, ‘The Meaning of Charity’, children are taught how to be charitable, and why.  Here are two inspirational quotes from it:

  • “(Charity)… is seeing someone make a mistake and saying, ‘That’s okay’.

  • “Charity makes our world a kinder, happier place.”

Consider how this can translate into parenting tips:

  • Charitable parenting is seeing your child make a mistake and saying, “That’s okay.”

  • Charity makes OUR HOME a kinder, happier place.

A charitable approach to parenting also brings out the kind, generous attitude of charity in children through modeling.

Children do need us to establish boundaries and to express our displeasure… AT TIMES.

But they also need us to be tolerant, forgiving, and patient… to practice the spirit of charity in our parenting.

Children need to be treated with enough kindness to display enough kindness.  In what ways can you demonstrate more kindness or charity with your kids?

In what instances do honestly feel that you demonstrate too much harshness and not enough charity with your child?

In this blog, share any parenting tips, or questions, that you might have
regarding nurturing the child’s sacred heart.

All of us engaged in demanding work of parenting might benefit from viewing the Wisie video: “The Meaning of Charity”.

In any event, being more mindful of the role of kindness in parenting children can help to raise happier, kinder kids.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Child Development VS Punishment

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, October 20th, 2011

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Punishing a child does not produce higher child development.

Parents resort to punishment to “teach the child a lesson”, but punishing children really does not teach children anything, except to fear getting caught. It also teaches them to be punishing.

Punishment is educational only in the sense that it models punishing behavior. It really does NOT solve behavior problems. It actually worsens them.

child development with discipline

Punishment is educational only in the sense that it models punishing behavior. It really does NOT solve behavior problems. It actually worsens them.

You do not teach your child HOW to improve his behavior by punishing.
You make him feel badly about the way that YOU behave in reaction to his behavior.

Improving a child’s behavior is about child development.

Your aim is to DEVELOP a new behavior pattern.

To develop a new behavior pattern requires modeling that behavior pattern and then guiding the child in a step-by-step manner to demonstrate and practice it.

What are your thoughts about punishing children?

Have you actually found that punishing your child has ended one of his or her behavior problems?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about
punishing and alternative ways of improving child behavior.

Punishing does not teach a child to feel remorse over the behavior
that you are punishing him or her for.

The child regrets only the punisher’s behavior, because that is all that hurts.

To improve your child’s behavior, think about the behavior that you want and turn that into a goal.

Then model the behavior you want, and lead the child, step-by-step in the process of engaging in that behavior.

For instance, if your child speaks disrespectfully, and you want to change that, listen more closely to the tone of your voice and the attitude you express when speaking.

Model more conscious, respectful speech.

Then, when your child speaks disrespectfully, guide her step-by-step in expressing what she wants to say in a more respectful way.

There are many more things you can do for the child development process leading to improved behavior.

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The Parental Involvement Solution

By Bob Lancer
Friday, September 30th, 2011

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parenting children with involvement

The kind of involvement kids need from their parents is attentive and loving.

A sufficient measure of parental involvement is essential for a child’s development of a positive attitude and responsible behavior.

But not all forms of parent-child interaction produce desirable results.

Just being in the same room with a child while you pay only superficial attention to the child does not constitute constructive involvement.

Ignoring the child can cause the child to feel rejected, unimportant and sad.

This may cause the child to develop a passive, indifferent demeanor expressing a lack of motivation, self-respect and self-care.

Or it may incite the child’s rebellious, destructive behavior in retaliation.

Another form of parental involvement is reacting to the child’s behavior with a steady stream of impatience, annoyance and frustration.  This negativity emanating from the parent is absorbed by the child and forms or fosters the child’s negative reaction patterns.

Do you believe that you spend enough time with your child? If not, what seems to be preventing you from doing that.

What are some ways that you can make the time you spend with your child more valuable for both of you?

Share your thoughts and questions about this important aspect
of parenting your childin this blog.

The kind of involvement kids need from their parents is attentive and loving.  Child behavior problems are among the signs that a child needs more loving attentiveness.

If your child displays behavior problems, consider that the solution may NOT be firmer discipline tactics, but more attentive, loving parental involvement.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

How To Raise A Real Winner

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

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Parenting your child

Parenting your child to believe in herself unconditionally is the goal

One of the challenges you have no doubt faced, or will at some point face, in parenting your child, is teaching your child how to win AND how to lose.

 

One way that we prepare our children for winning WELL is by avoiding excessively praising our child’s admirable attributes or performance.

In parenting your child, if you praise too much, you disconnect the child from the positive character trait of wanting to do a good job for the pure satisfaction of doing so.

Being personally “recognized” as #1 then becomes all-important to the child, and the actual quality of work produced by the child becomes unimportant to the child.

Such children are prone to severe emotional breakdowns when they don’t come in first. Some go so far as to pursue underhanded means of being perceived as a winner, including cheating on tests and stealing trophies.

How they SEEM has come to matter more to them than who they actually ARE. This characterizes a child who has lost himself.

How can YOU tell when praising your child is actually good for him or her?

Are YOU too dependent upon receiving approval from others? Is your child? If so, what childhood experiences do you believe set you
and/or your child up for that weakness?

Share your thoughts and questions about this
important topic in this blog.

Here are two quotes for children that we parents can also benefit from remembering, about what is most important about winning and losing:

“Real happiness comes from doing my best, even if no one sees the good that I have done.”

“Losing is really no big deal, because real happiness comes from just doing my best.”

Parenting your child to believe in herself unconditionally is the goal.

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Protect Your Child’s Imagination

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

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Powerful imagination is part of healthy child development

Understanding how to work with your child’s power of imagination is important for supporting child development

Understanding how to work with your child’s power of imagination is important for supporting child development.

When children begin “making things up” it’s easy for a parent to become anxious about the need for the child to “tell the truth”.

Out of fear, the parent may over-react to the child’s made up tales and squelch the positive use and development of the child’s imagination-power.

Children seem to have an instinctive knowledge of how to use fantasy for their own good.

For instance, to protect herself from being emotionally devastated, the 5 year old son of a deceased father told his friend that his father was actually alive, but on a secret mission for the Army.

A child who was the smallest in his class told his parents one day, “Today I was bigger than Amos (the tallest in the class).

In these cases we see a wise application of the imaginative stage of child development. The child is using his new power to help himself to feel good about his life and about himself, and the child needs to feel good to behave well and perform successfully.

Do you regard the examples of making things up as behavior problems?

How does YOUR child use the power of fantasy?

Share your thoughts, experiences and questions about children’s use of imagination this blog.

Children need a strong imagination to help them to cushion the blows of harsh realities, for problem-solving, and to create magnificent goals for themselves. The child who makes things up may be revealing a gift for story-telling that is just beginning to blossom.

So we need to teach children when and how to tell the truth, but avoid giving them the harmful message that making things up is always wrong. A powerful imagination is part of healthy child development.

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Raising Appreciative Children

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, September 1st, 2011

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This blog presents advice for parents that relates to teaching children to appreciate their lives.

Children seem “hard-wired” for impatience. It is so common for a child to say, “I can’t wait for…”.

Instead of appreciating every sacred moment of childhood, the child wants to skip over his or her life so it can already be time to go to the circus or sleep over a friend’s house.

Advice for parents for teaching appreciation

Part of teaching children to appreciate their lives has to do with their possessions


Part of teaching children to appreciate their lives has to do with their possessions. Kids often want something new just because the see it on a shelf, but as soon as they have it, they could care less about.

I recall taking my son into a toy store once on a trip to New York City. He wanted a yoyo. He begged and begged for it. Finally I bought it for him. As we were walking out of the store he saw a pigeon, dropped the yoyo on the ground, and ran toward the pigeon. The yoyo ceased to matter the moment after it was his.

Does your child seem to feel a lack of appreciation for life or for his or her possessions? How do you typically deal with this?

Do you have ideas or advice for parents on how to teach their children to be more appreciative?

Share your thoughts and questions about teaching children
about appreciation in this blog.

Sometimes a lack of appreciation turns into children behavior problems. For instance when a child shows no gratitude for a gift he receives. In a more serious way, reckless teens show a lack of appreciation for life when they risk life and limb in foolhardy antics.

So here is the advice for parents for teaching appreciation: Regardless of how your child behaves, and even when you need to be firm, demonstrate your deep, sincere appreciation for your child’s sacred presence. This models appreciation in a profound way.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Your Magical Child

By Bob Lancer
Monday, August 29th, 2011

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Help for parents is usually focused on practical matters.

We want our kids to be practical, responsible, grounded. We want them to be reasonable.

Help for parents for child development

Children believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish

But don’t we also want them to preserve their MAGIC?

After all, it is possible to be TOO practical.

In a sense, being too practical is really not being practical. Being TOO practical can cost you your optimism and prevent you from taking risks that you really ought to take. Help for parents needs to include how to relate with the child’s delicate quality of enchantment.

Children start out believing in magic. They believe that anything is possible. They believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish.

Tips for parent need to include preserving the magic of believing that anything wonderful is possible.

We need to believe in this magic. For life really is quite magical. The very fact of existence itself is really unfathomable. The most elaborate scientific theory only goes so far and always leaves us at the brink of mystery.

What are your thoughts about preserving the magical quality of a child’s spirit?

Do you believe that magic can actually help your child succeed?

What is magical about your child that you want to preserve?

Please share your child’s magic and your thoughts about this topic in this blog.

Here is some magical help for parents:
Envision your child as a sacred blessing, a winner, a wonderful human being. The magical power of vision functions as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Raising Kids To Be Compassionate

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, August 18th, 2011

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parenting children quotes

To raise a compassionate child, be a compassionate parent

Here are four inspiring parenting children quotes for raising compassionate kids:

1. To raise a compassionate child, be a compassionate parent.

2. Any parent who believes himself to be perfectly compassionate is being dishonest with himself.

3. Honesty is a form of compassion because receiving dishonest treatment hurts.

4. To be honest with your children, you don’t have to tell them EVERYTHING, only what they NEED to know to feel genuinely bonded with you.

Do you have questions about how honest to be with children?

How can YOU grow more compassionate?

Share your thoughts and questions about this
important topic in this blog.

The above parenting quotes for kids related to the connection between your child’s compassion and your honesty. The following parenting children quotes examine the influence of other parenting behaviors on kind child development.

  1. Being harshly critical of children causes them to become emotionally numb, as a defense mechanism, which permits them to behave unkindly.
  2. A child who witnesses a parent being cruel or insensitive is led, by that negative example, away from compassionate self-expression.
  3. When a parent becomes so focused on her own agenda that she is tuned out from the needs for deep loving connection expressed by her young child, that child learns to DIS-connect from his own feelings, and from the feelings of others.
  4. When one child hurts another child, first respond the injured child’s need. Provide the love, support, and attentiveness that the injured child felt deprived of. This not only protects the compassionate hear to the hurt child, it also models loving care for the aggressive child.

Ponder the eight parenting children quotes presented here, and use them as a guide for raising a compassionate child.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.