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Your Child Development Discipline Solution

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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Develop your child’s greatest potential

Child development urge drives your child

Within your child exists a natural pattern of child development. Like the growth pattern in the seed of every flower and plant, in your child’s core exists a growth pattern for the blossoming of your child’s greatest potential, not just to survive but to beautifully thrive in the world.

This pattern causes children to naturally crave the guidance and direction that helps them develop the abilities and strengths they will need to “make it” in the world.

Just as nature drives flowers and plants to fulfill their glorious potential, the child development urge drives your child, from deep within, to fulfill his glorious potential. (This may in fact be the child’s most powerful motivating force, for it is a natural expression of life.)

To the extent that we thwart or oppose this child development urge, we stifle the child’s motivation to survive and thrive and may even turn that urge into a self-destructive force.

The more your attempts at directing your child’s behavior align with your child’s real developmental needs, the more willingly your child will cooperate and the more your child will make responsible choices on her own.

But when we attempt to control or direct a child to satisfy our own personal desires, irrespective of what the child actually needs to develop for healthy, happy life-success, we reverse the child’s drive to develop turn it into the drive to defy and rebel.

Ignoring or not being sufficiently tuned in to the child’s development creates behavior problems and parenting frustrations. To the extent that your direction and correction work with a child’s healthy development, the child “listens” extremely well.

So the next time that you are about to issue a direction or correction, first consider if it is really about child development or if it is just about pleasing yourself.

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Improve Your Child’s Behavior Through Awareness

By Bob Lancer
Sunday, August 29th, 2010

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Any anger that you exhibit in response to your child’s behavior works against you and against your child.

To find this out for yourself, closely observe how your child responds, in subtle and obvious ways, to your expressions of anger, frustration, impatience, annoyance and exasperation.

You will soon observe, through your child’s facial expressions, body language, and through your child’s behavior, that your angry reactions lower your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence and causes your child’s behavior to worsen.

Also notice how your angry reactions to your child’s behavior impact you. You will find that they drain you of energy, lower your morale, make parenting unpleasant (if not torturous at times), and makes you more irritable and less effective in every other area of your life, including marriage. If you react with anger on a routine basis you will also see that it negatively impacts your health.

Anger creates behavior problems

Irresponsible angry responses can lead to behavior problems

Once you recognize that your reaction is not working, you can change it. But changing your behavior requires that you first take total responsibility for it. As long as you blame your child, or your child’s behavior, for the way that you behave, you continue giving your child the power to make you react.

As long as you believe that you have no choice but to react in the same old way to the same old problems, your belief keeps you trapped in those old reactions, and those old reactions keep re-creating the same old problems.

Improving your response to your child’s behavior begins with taking total responsibility for your responses and maintaining the open-minded attitude that you can always find a better way.

To begin improving the quality of your experience and your results in parenting, reject any belief that tells you that you cannot change, or that you need your child’s behavior to change before you can change what you do and how you feel about your child’s behavior.

So the most important key is to be aware in the now. You have to notice what you are doing, how you are feeling, and even what you are believing in the present moment to make better choices for better results.

As you become more aware of how you are responding to your child’s behavior, and to the results of those responses, you will find ways to improve your child’s behavior and your parenting experiences.

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