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Your Magical Child

By Bob Lancer
Monday, August 29th, 2011

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Help for parents is usually focused on practical matters.

We want our kids to be practical, responsible, grounded. We want them to be reasonable.

Help for parents for child development

Children believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish

But don’t we also want them to preserve their MAGIC?

After all, it is possible to be TOO practical.

In a sense, being too practical is really not being practical. Being TOO practical can cost you your optimism and prevent you from taking risks that you really ought to take. Help for parents needs to include how to relate with the child’s delicate quality of enchantment.

Children start out believing in magic. They believe that anything is possible. They believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish.

Tips for parent need to include preserving the magic of believing that anything wonderful is possible.

We need to believe in this magic. For life really is quite magical. The very fact of existence itself is really unfathomable. The most elaborate scientific theory only goes so far and always leaves us at the brink of mystery.

What are your thoughts about preserving the magical quality of a child’s spirit?

Do you believe that magic can actually help your child succeed?

What is magical about your child that you want to preserve?

Please share your child’s magic and your thoughts about this topic in this blog.

Here is some magical help for parents:
Envision your child as a sacred blessing, a winner, a wonderful human being. The magical power of vision functions as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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How To Raise Our World

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

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Behavior problems stem from unhappy reactions

Hitting, yelling, reacting with anger toward kids, and then blaming that on the kids, is just one example of the negative relationship pattern between children and parents that have contributed to our civilization’s decline.

It’s time for a new approach to parental control.

It’s obvious that the old approach hasn’t worked.

The adult rulers of the world have harmed the planet. And those adults were raised in the old ways.

The air did not have to become polluted, nor the drinking water. The ancient growth forests did not have to be decimated.

Mass media did not have to decline into blathering blowhards generating fear and divisiveness for a fast buck.

Our politicians could have been honest, upstanding citizens really looking out for the public good instead of the apparent corporate shills they have by and large become.

We could have discarded the use of bloody war centuries ago.

Adults set an example for children of how NOT to care for our world.
And to not care for our world is to not care for ourselves!

The roots of our world’s descent into increasingly toxic conditions, toxic physically and psychologically, can be traced to the “old school approach” to parental control.

We commonly hear adults complaining about “today’s unruly children”. What do YOU believe is the cause of the problem with ADULTS today?

Do you agree that a partial cause of destructive adult behavior is the approach to parental control by their parents during their childhood?

What adult behavior problems have YOU displayed that you can trace back to your relationship with your parents?

Share your thoughts and questions about this this blog.

Hitting, yelling, reacting with anger toward kids, and then blaming that on the kids, is just one example of the negative relationship pattern between children and parents that have contributed to our civilization’s decline.

One essential change needed in our approach to parental control must involve parents taking responsibility for the painful, unhealthy, and unhappy ways that they react to their children.

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Raising Kids To Be Compassionate

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, August 18th, 2011

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parenting children quotes

To raise a compassionate child, be a compassionate parent

Here are four inspiring parenting children quotes for raising compassionate kids:

1. To raise a compassionate child, be a compassionate parent.

2. Any parent who believes himself to be perfectly compassionate is being dishonest with himself.

3. Honesty is a form of compassion because receiving dishonest treatment hurts.

4. To be honest with your children, you don’t have to tell them EVERYTHING, only what they NEED to know to feel genuinely bonded with you.

Do you have questions about how honest to be with children?

How can YOU grow more compassionate?

Share your thoughts and questions about this
important topic in this blog.

The above parenting quotes for kids related to the connection between your child’s compassion and your honesty. The following parenting children quotes examine the influence of other parenting behaviors on kind child development.

  1. Being harshly critical of children causes them to become emotionally numb, as a defense mechanism, which permits them to behave unkindly.
  2. A child who witnesses a parent being cruel or insensitive is led, by that negative example, away from compassionate self-expression.
  3. When a parent becomes so focused on her own agenda that she is tuned out from the needs for deep loving connection expressed by her young child, that child learns to DIS-connect from his own feelings, and from the feelings of others.
  4. When one child hurts another child, first respond the injured child’s need. Provide the love, support, and attentiveness that the injured child felt deprived of. This not only protects the compassionate hear to the hurt child, it also models loving care for the aggressive child.

Ponder the eight parenting children quotes presented here, and use them as a guide for raising a compassionate child.

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Choose Your Child’s Friends

By Bob Lancer
Friday, August 5th, 2011

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Observing how your child’s friends behave is an important part of responsible parenting, because children become like those they spend time with.

Notice how your child behaves after spending time with kids
who behave wildly. Your child will behave more wildly.

Parenting tips: Watch your child for wild behavior

You can observe your child making facial grimaces that cause her to look like her most recent playmates

It is a “law of child development” that the child’s personality reflects the outstanding personality traits of:

  • The children that she spends the most time with and
  • Those that she has most recently spent time with.

The child who demonstrates a disrespectful attitude is leading your child into a disrespectful attitude.

You can observe your child making facial grimaces that cause her to look like her most recent playmates.

What makes it hard for you to prohibit your child
from associating with troublesome children?

Share your thoughts, comments and questions about this topic in this blog.

Parenting your children becomes easier when you limit how much time your child spends with children who display behavior problems that you do not want replicated in your own child.

The younger your child, the more deep and lasting the influence
of other children’s behavior upon him.

But whatever your child’s age, by being selective regarding whom you permit your child to associate with you can protect your child from adopting problem behaviors displayed by other children.

Here’s a parenting children tip for diminishing the
amount of time your child spends with children
whose influence you don’t care for:

When you observe your child behaving poorly after some time with a playmate, warn, “If you continue behaving this way I will not permit you to play with that child tomorrow.”  Follow that up with the simple explanation: “I’m doing this because it seems that child’s influence causes you to behave poorly.”

This will either cause your child to demonstrate adequate self-control, or, if you have to follow through, it will protect your child from negative child development.

It’s usually hardest to establish playmate boundaries
when it involves a relative.

It’s not easy to disallow time spent with a cousin who acts out in disturbing ways.  But when it comes to parenting, our own children are our highest priority.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Achieve Behavior Management

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

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Successful and stress free child behavior management is a great goal.

Child bejavior management

As parents we want to inspire our children to pursue worthwhile goals.

As parents we want to inspire our children
to pursue worthwhile goals.

And there is no better way than to model our dedication to achieving great things ourselves.

There exists no greater goal in life for a parent to than the goal of great, stress-free parenting.

Children benefit in two major ways when you remain truly dedicated to this goal:
1. Your child will demonstrate more responsible and rewarding behavior.
2. Your modeling will instill in your child the drive and self-confidence to pursue meaningful goals.

What child behavior management challenges do you face?

Share your parenting problems in this blog to receive
YOUR parenting solutions.

Producing great child behavior with love, and without draining anger or stress, is a process of goal setting and achievement.

Begin by setting your goals.

Think about ways your child now behaves that bother you, and consider how you would like your child to behave instead.

Here are a few examples of behavior management problems turned into goals.
• My child makes things up. I want him to be more honest.
• She brags to cover her insecurity. I want her to feel secure enough to not brag.
• My toddler throws objects when he does not receive immediate attention. I want him to be more patient and not throw destructively.

What child behaviors drive YOU crazy?

Feel welcome to share them in a blog entry for your sane solutions.

Once you have your goals for your child in mind, the next step is crucial.
INCLUDE GOALS FOR YOUR PARENTING.

Children should not be your only focus. You want to improve your child behavior management with love, without unhappiness, anger or stress. You want to fully enjoy SUCCESSFUL parenting.

Keep this 2-sided goal in mind:

  • How you want your child to behave
  • How you want to feel in the process

Then work everyday on making whatever small or large improvements you can make in BOTH areas.

Little by little you will achieve improved child behavior management, and love the process more and more.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Parental Involvement – You Can Do It

By Bob Lancer
Friday, July 8th, 2011

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Parenting children

Many parents want to spend more time with their children

Children need positive parental involvement perhaps more than anything else to keep their attitude and behavior on track.

It is not only the child who benefits in crucial ways, the parent also benefits. Particularly in the first 3 years the child is simply so magical and the mutual, instinctive need for bonding so intense, that the parent’s heart is nurtured and even healed through close engagement with the child.

Many parents want to spend more
time with their children.

They recognize their child’s real need for more parental involvement. And they realize how their own heart longs for more close time with the child. But they believe they just don’t have the time.

At the same time, one of the important strengths that parents want to impart to their children is the inner fortitude that comes with the belief that “you can do it.”

We want our children to face challenges with a can-do attitude,
but we do not model that attitude when we accept defeat
regarding our own life-challenges.

The fact is that YOU CAN DO IT when it comes to providing your child with the loving, the positive parental involvement that both you and your child need to feel and to do great.

There are four basic steps to achieving the goal of adequate parental involvement:

  1. Face how you really feel. A parent can sense when a child’s mood, attitude or behavior problems are a way of calling out for more parental involvement.
  2. When you recognize the need for spending more quality time with your child, notice your attitude. If you think that you cannot do it, let go of that attitude and try to just presume that YOU CAN DO IT.
  3. Remain open and trusting that you will find a way to at least gradually spend more time with your child, even it the progress is slow going.
  4. Seize your opportunities, however small they may be, to increase the quantity and the quality of your parental involvement.

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Dream Your Way To Parental Control

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, June 16th, 2011

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To improve your parental control, improve your dream control.

parental control

Enjoy increasing parental control and less parent-child conflict

Envisioning yourself in-charge, with love, and without anger and stress, helps you to achieve more parental control.

To apply this empowering parent-wisdom, think about a situation in which you find your parental control challenged by your child’s behavior.

Perhaps it happens at bedtime when your child suddenly refuses to cooperate, and you find yourself repeating directions several times, until you finally lose your patience.

Now, imagine that scene happening, but this time, imagine yourself demonstrating your ideal form of parental control.

Envision yourself feeling perfectly calm, content,
confident and in control.

Envision the entire scene flowing smoothly,
with love, ease and fulfillment.

Often, when parents feel frustrated by their child’s behavior, they repeatedly remember the difficult scenarios, envisioning their stressful, frustrating experience of lacking parental control.

But improving your control in your relationship with children begins with improving your control of yourself, and that begins with taking control of your dreams – of the imaginary visions that you focus on in your mind.

When a parent worries about future lapses of parental control,
or painfully recalls past episodes of previous “child behavior
chaos”, the parent allows negative dreaming
to rule his or her mind.

Practice the following to dream your way to improved parental control:
1. Pay attention to your thinking to recognize when you are envisioning disturbing parent-child experiences.
2. When you notice this happening, shift the focus of your thinking into envisioning that scene as you would love it to be

Your experiences with your child will gradually reflect your positive visions
of delightful parent-child scenarios more and more.

To further improve your interactions with your child, ask your child to spend time dreaming or envisioning himself or herself behaving beautifully.

Children often want to behave better than they do, but because of tiredness, habits, or other influences, they find self-control just too difficult.

By teaching your child about the positive power of directed dreaming or envisioning, you empower your child to lead a more successful life.

Guiding your child into envisioning the positive behavior you want helps you to enjoy increasing parental control and less parent-child conflict.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Forgiveness & Child Development

By Bob Lancer
Monday, June 6th, 2011

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Teaching children about the healing powers of forgiveness is an important aspect of child development.

Child development

Forgiveness is the foundation for positive child development

But it is also quite challenging.  Without realizing it, parents teach their children about withholding forgiveness when they carry and convey a resentful attitude toward them.

The Child Development Process
Is Not Always Positive.

Through our own, sometimes unconscious, patterns, we may develop negative traits and tendencies in our children.

The fact is that you cannot really improve your child’s behavior before you truly forgive your child for the misbehavior that you want to change.

Forgiveness Is The Basis For Supporting
Positive Child Development.

Holding onto resentment holds onto a form of toxic, unhealthy stress at a deep level, which compromises healthy organic functioning to some degree.  High blood pressure, migraine headaches and even heart problems can be linked to anger patterns.

As we learn how to dissolve our resentments, we also dissolve the barriers to optimum health that they induce.

Modeling Represents The Most Potent Way Of Influencing
Child Development And Child Behavior.

Parents automatically instill an unhealthy pattern in their children by holding onto resentment.

Forgiveness is our natural, healthy and healing state.  You don’t have to create forgiveness. You simply need to unblock it by releasing yourself from resentment.

As long as you feel resentment toward your child, your child lacks real trust in you, and then the child’s insecure emotional condition develops into problematic behavior.

As You Release Yourself From Resentment, You Release Positive
Child Development Through Healthy Modeling And Love.

When the child senses that your heart is clear, open and loving, a harmonizing influence enters and spreads throughout the child’s nervous system, promoting optimum organic health and healing.

Here is how to dissolve resentment for the sake of positive child development:

1.      Notice what you are thinking about when you feel resentment.

2.      The instant you notice the thought that keeps you feeling resentful, let that thought go by focusing your attention elsewhere

Releasing the healing powers of forgiveness for positive child development is a simple matter of releasing yourself from the resentful thinking that blocks love’s flow.

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Parenting Children Without Overwhelm

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

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Parenting children without overwhelm IS possible. Understanding the cause and cost of parenting children with overwhelm begins to set you free.

Parenting children

Parenting children without overwhelm IS possible

You are NOT overwhelmed by the typical daily demands of raising children.

Overwhelm is a state that you place yourself in by straining yourself to meet life’s demands.

Overwhelm Is Not Only Painful.
It Is Counter-Productive.

You enter overwhelm in parenting children by overtaxing yourself. An unbalanced mode of parenting is the real cause of parent fatigue, burn-out, and impatience.

When you feel overwhelmed you react from frustration, instead of responding from inspiration. This blocks your ability to recognize what your child really needs from you to behave well, to feel good, and to develop into his/her great potential.

Parenting Children Responsibly Does Not Demand Overwhelm.

It Demands That We Maintain Our Balance And Avoid
Slipping Into Modes Of Stress And Strain.

If you regard your child as the cause of your stress and strain, or blame your overwhelm on all the rest of your responsibilities, you blind yourself to your freedom, power and responsibility to improve the way that function.

The Measure Of Difficulty Of Parenting Children
Depends Upon How You Approach It.

Your feelings are signs that point you in the direction of healthy, balanced living.

If you hold onto the belief that being responsible means driving yourself so hard that you feel unhappy, frustrated, burned out, your belief, not your children or your responsibilities, prevents you from parenting children less stressfully.

To access your own best judgment, creativity and problem-solving ability, you need to feel basically calm, relaxed, well-rested, and inspired.

To free yourself of parenting children in a state of overwhelm:

  1. Pay more attention to how you feel throughout the day
  2. The instant you feel stress and strain setting in, stop trying to control the situation or your children. Ease up on yourself.
  3. Practice maintaining your unstrained composure as you fulfill your daily responsibilities.

As you apply these three simple steps consistently and persistently, you will enjoy parenting children with less and less overwhelm, and more and more love, joy, AND success.

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Achieve Parental Control

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

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Parenting tip for achieving parental control

A power-struggle begins when your child displays the power to defy your direction.

To achieve parental control, one thing you need to know is how to end a power-struggle between you and your child.

A power-struggle begins when your child displays
the power to defy your direction.

The longer you engage in a power-struggle, the more energy you waste and the more your child learns how to lock you into a futile power-struggle.

As long as you continue using the same approach to win the struggle, you are actually perpetuating the struggle and experiencing a lack of parental control.

You will begin experiencing more parental control when you shift your focus from trying to control your child to controlling yourself.

Your child’s resistance seems to be causing the power-struggle, but it is also true that your behavior started the power-struggle and perpetuates it.

By focusing on what YOU are doing, you empower yourself
to change what you do for different results.

Move toward increasing parental control by first relaxing YOUR resistance.  Resistance starts with a feeling of inner tension, pressure, forcing and conflict.

As you relax, you stop wasting energy on contending for power.  This conserves your energy and brings you a welcome sense of relief.

As you relax, you help your child to relax.  As you let go of your effort to oppose your child, your child will be more inclined to leg go of his/her effort to oppose you.  The power-struggle is then transformed into peace.

From peace, you can move to the next level of parental control.

Consider what you want done and exercise your power to actually make it happen, without conflict.  This might mean:

  • taking the inappropriate object from your child’s hand rather than asking for it over and over.
  • shutting off the TV instead of repeatedly demanding your child to do it
  • simply letting your older child know that if he does not do his homework he will not be receiving his allowance.

You cannot always get a child to do as you want without a struggle, but you can
avoid wasting your power on a struggle and enjoy greater parental control.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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