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Improve Your Relationship With These Anger Management Tips

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

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Improve Your Relationship With Anger Management

While our aim is to improve the relationship, our angry tirade virtually always accomplishes the opposite result

When we lash out in anger at someone, we are desperately trying to correct a perceived injustice.

 

While our aim is to improve the relationship, our angry tirade virtually always accomplishes the opposite result.

 

It may incite the others defensiveness, which increases our frustration.

 

It may trigger the other person into an offensive counter-attack that escalates the conflict.

 

Even when an angry tirade does manage to persuade the other person to change in line with our desire, some negative fall-out results from our assault, undermining trust, bonding and intimacy in the relationship.

 

Keeping feelings of resentment to ourselves does not represent relationship wisdom.

 

Harboring unspoken feelings of resentment causes one to withhold in the relationship, often driving one to engage in passive-aggressiveness at worst, or artificiality at best that inevitably arouses the other person’s distrust.

 

Here then are some anger management tips for solving relationship problems, including marriage problems.

 

Self-honesty or emotional accountability is the first anger management tip.

 

You have face the fact that there really are some unintended, unwanted consequences, like undermining trust in your marriage, when you lash out in anger.

 

Self-understanding is another tip for better managing anger.Understand that what you really want is more love in your relationship.  When you react in anger you repel love, you do not increase it.

 

Through more self-honesty and self-understanding you can begin to formulate a relationship strategy that works better than lashing out.

 

This leads us to the third of our anger management tips to improve your relationship: be proactive instead of reactive.

 

In other words, look for ways to help the other to do better instead of attacking in reaction to his or her undesirable performance.

 

Let’s say that you begin feeling impatient and frustrated when you have to wait for your mate to gather her things together before she can walk out the door and join you in the car on a date-night.

 

Instead of steaming angrily while you count the seconds and minutes, proactively assist her in taking care of her last minute details.

 

So applying this tip for anger management means being helpful instead of hurtful to improve your relationship.

 

Here then are your 3 simple anger management tips:

1. Be self-honest.

2. Examine your motives for improved self-understanding.

3.  Be more proactive than reactive.

 

As you put these into practice, you will enjoy more loving cooperation in your relationships.

 

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Meet Your Family Demands With Sanity

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

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Parenting Wisdom For Raising Children

Once you are in the thick of raising children, you realize that it may be one of the most taxing tests life delivers, and it delivers it everyday.

We plan to have a family based on the dream of family harmony.

 

But supporting a family emotionally and financially is not that easy.  The bigger the family the more directions you are pulled in at one time.

 

If you parent more than one child you know how hard it can be when both children demand your undivided attention at the same time, while the phone is ringing, dinner is cooking and your mate is trying tell you something important.  At the same you might look around at your home and see mess after mess.  And while all this is happening, you feel so deeply in need of a nap!

 

Single parents have the added challenge of having no other parent around to help out.

 

Once you are in the thick of raising children, you realize that it may be one of the most taxing tests life delivers, and it delivers it everyday.

 

Parenting Wisdom For Raising Kids

We plan to have a family based on the dream of family harmony.

A common mistake we parents make is to drive ourselves too hard.

 

There is a far more sane and simple solution to meeting your family demands.

 

The moment you feel your pressure starting to mount, instead of surging forward in attempt to get it all done, let go and lighten up!  This is both a self-help and a family help solution.

 

While one child tugs at your sleeve and the other spills juice on your foot, take an INTERNAL time out.

 

Remain still, relax your body, and calm your nerves by breathing gently, fully, calmly.

 

Stand in a juice puddle (or even the pee puddle, for that matter) and just let it all BE.  Let YOURSELF just BE.

 

You need to live in peace and poise to appreciate all the good in your life, and to avoid feeling over-burdened, depressed and chronically annoyed.

 

It is our attachment to control over externals, not the demands of others or of our environment, that really drives us into an emotional frenzy.

 

Having a family IS a gift, but you have to be at peace to enjoy it.

 

And with this joy comes your power to be a better parent, partner, worker and human being.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Conscious Parenting Tips To Understand Your Child

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

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avoid developing a behavior problem

Spend time every day simply calmly, consciously observing your child

A child’s problematic behavior often stems from a parent misreading the child.

 

Parenting as effectively as possible produces the best child behavior results.  It requires clear and accurate recognition of our children’s present need for appropriate behavior.

 

To know what our children need from us to avoid developing a behavior problem, or to improve their behavior, we need to be very aware in the present moment.

 

Getting too caught up in our daily tasks, we may pay superficial attention to the child, causing us to overlook the child’s subtle signs of need, like a sadly drooping face or an aggressive clenching of a fist.

 

Destructive behavior that seems to come “out of the blue” could often have been prevented if the parent had paid closer attention beforehand to recognize what the child required BEFORE she began throwing a tantrum, BEFORE he began kicking the pet, BEFORE he began biting his sibling.

 

Perhaps the child’s deepest, most fundamental need is for us to demonstrate CONSCIOUS parenting.

 

Alert, conscious observation of the child in the present reveals the true self of the child.

 

And that “self” becomes the best form of guidance for parents, showing us just what this particular child needs at this particular time for great child behavior and positive child development.

 

When we fall into habitual, “mechanical” unconscious parenting, even when we are with our children we are not really there, and they sense it.

 

To gain our deeper involvement they may resort to inappropriate, or even outrageous behavior, even when they “know better”.

 

Behavior problems manifest as our parental responses mismatch the needs that our children express.

 

Conscious Parenting Tips:

 

  1. Spend time every day simply calmly, consciously observing your child.

 

  1. As you apply this parenting tip, look for your child’s subtle physical signs that express her mood, attitude, and feelings in general.

 

As you practice more CONSCIOUS parenting, you will:

  • Experience deeper and more accurate understanding of your child.
  • Be better at predicting when your child is headed toward behaving improperly.
  • More effectively meet your child’s need for great child behavior.

 

Feel welcome share in this blog your experience of applying these Conscious Parenting Tips, and any questions that you have about your child’s behavior.

 


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Protect Your Child’s Self-Confidence by Heeding This Parenting Advice

By Bob Lancer
Monday, February 6th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Parenting Children With Self Confidence

“My child’s helpfulness makes my work more difficult.”

This blog contains parenting tips for parents of young children who like to help out, but don’t do a very good job of it.

 

This parenting problem can be summed up as: “My child’s helpfulness makes my work more difficult.”

 

In my own parent-child relationship, while I was attempting to unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher the other day, my confident toddler was happily trying to “help” by placing his shoes upon the empty dishwasher rack.

 

In his mind, he was contributing, not presenting me with a child discipline challenge.

 

To demonstrate positive parenting wisdom, I know that I need to be careful when something like this happens.

 

If I become too focused on the task of housework, I might overlook the task of effective, positive parenting.

 

There are no COST-FREE parenting solutions. There are consequences for every choice.

 

I want my son to feel self-confidence and self-worth.So I sometimes have to overlook his mistakes and focus on, and respond positively to, what he is getting right.

 

His urge to help is something I want to nurture, not stifle.  He was not displaying a child behavioral problem by attempting to contribute.  He was practicing doing chores.

 

I know my child needs to feel secure in my love, appreciation, and admiration – that that is crucial for his healthy emotional development.

 

That is why I said, “Thank you for being so helpful” as his contribution really only added to my housework drudgery.

 

I was careful to not remove his shoe from the clean dish-wrack to avoid causing him to feel wrong for what he did, because I feel confident that he actually did his very best, which is something I want to encourage.

 

As his understanding and skills improve through practice and experience, child development will make his best produce better results.

 

Of course I don’t feel like having to unload dirty sneakers from my dishwasher.  Of course I don’t appreciate my toddler creating more work for me.

 

But what I want even LESS is undermine my child’s to self-confidence, my child’s self-esteem, and his drive to contribute and to do his very best.

 

In this blog, please share examples from your own parent-child relationship of when your child’s effort to help made more work for you, and how you handled that.

 

Also share any questions you have about how to respond to child behavior challenges in ways that support the child development of improved self-conduct.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Your Inner Source For Positive Parenting Skills

By Bob Lancer
Saturday, January 14th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Wisdom For Child Discipline

To develop and apply the parenting skills for successfully guiding child behavior begins by guiding your own self-conduct while in the act of parenting your children

There actually are sound, positive parenting skills that you can develop for raising children to be respectful, responsible, and well-behaved.

Developing and applying these positive parenting practices leads both parent and child into the fulfillment of their glorious potential, along a path of healthy, happy success,self-esteem and self-confidence.

It honors the individuality of the child and the parent, nurturing and supporting our natural drive to master our life-challenges in our own unique, positive way.

2 Tips for parents for well-behaved kids:

1. The first step is to concentrate on eliminating your stress and strain in the way that you parent your kids.

2. Remain self-aware in the present moment to notice when you are beginning to enter a power-struggle and feelings of over-whelm, impatience or frustration – so that you can sidestep these parenting pitfalls.

To develop and apply the parenting skills for successfully guiding child behavior begins by guiding your own self-conduct while in the act of parenting your children.

Parents, teachers and caregivers make child behavior management and child discipline more difficult and unpleasant than necessary when they focus so much on what the child is doing “wrong” that they overlook what they are doing about it.

During your daily parenting challenges, exercise the self-awareness and self-control YOU need to apply positive parenting skills that nurture, protect and preserve both the child’s and your own self-esteem and self-confidence.

When you CALMLY observe what is happening in the present moment, you can tune into your own higher parenting wisdom and have your child discipline questions answered right there on the spot, to succeed with your child without draining and humiliating yourself in the process.

By observing your child calmly, you will gradually see for yourself what to reasonably expect of your child, at each stage of development, and what to expect of yourself.

As you calmly and patiently experiment with your own best parenting strategies, and remain willing to learn from the results, you will develop your own tips for parents,come up with strategies for parenting that work best for you and your  unique child.

You will display a higher level of parenting skills for more satisfying results with your child.

In this blog, please share your thoughts about the need for parents to focus on improving their own behavior as key to bringing out the best behavior from their children.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Motivate Your Child for Child Discipline

By Bob Lancer
Sunday, December 4th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Encouraging Children With Positive Motivation

As parents, we need to live in positive motivation to pass on that wonderful spirit to our children

Here is a wonderful secret for how to motivate your child to display beautiful, responsible self-conduct and a great attitude WITHOUT you having to strain for child discipline.

Develop your SELF-motivation.

Self-motivation is a product of a happy way of life.

I’ve discovered with my kids that they definitely reflect the mood that I’m in.

When I become stressed, when I start to rush, when I overtax myself with multi-taxing, my positive motivation declines and my kids seem to need more child discipline from me.

But instead of pushing myself even harder to control their behavior with stern intensity, I relax, ease up on myself, and remember to ENJOY my kids instead of working too hard to control my kids.

As I do this, they need less child discipline from me.

When you feel motivated, enthused, in love with your life, you automatically motivate your child to behave beautifully, reducing your need to apply stern child discipline.

Since long before I had children I have been training myself to live in a mode that permits me to experience joy, peace, and love.

I learned that by slowing down, relaxing, paying more attention to the present moment, and remaining committed to enjoying my life, not just living my life, I feel more motivated.

I learned to listen to signals of my body.  For instance, while writing this blog I began feeling too hungry to concentrate without strain, so I paused for lunch.

While lunching, I looked out my window and noticed the sun shining, and that enticed me.  So I ate my lunch in the warm sunlight.

Honoring my feelings helps me stay motivated and, by extension, to motivate my child.

When I became a parent, I brought this wisdom into parenting.  I work on dealing with every parenting challenge with fulfillment, peace and inspiration.

Happy parenting is not necessarily irresponsible parenting.  If you commit to it, YOU can learn how to bring more joy into your handling of your child leaving a mess behind, fibbing, breaking an expensive dish.

It comes down to the quality of life you want.

Here is an exercise to live in joy,
so you can motivate your child automatically:

Take one day to concentrate on doing whatever you do
with more joy, fulfillment and satisfaction.

Take this into your parenting.  Whatever you do for or with your child, concentrate on making it an enjoyable experience for yourself.

This blog is your chance to contribute to the world’s parenting wisdom.
Please share with us, your “parent wisdom community”,
your experiences of doing this exercise.

Also share any questions you have about how to live in joy,
motivate your child and child discipline.

You CAN bring more joy, love and fulfillment into whatever must be done, if you make that a priority for yourself.

As parents, we need to live in positive motivation to pass on that wonderful spirit to our children.

To motivate your child, motivate yourself.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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The Wisdom of Charitable Parenting

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

parenting tools for charitable parenting

Children need a certain measure of parental charitableness for the nurturing of their hearts and to inspire them to demonstrate their beautiful potential.

In conversations about parenting children, rarely do parents discuss the role of charity in parenting.

 

You might hear about a child’s accomplishments, about the trouble a child is getting into, about the need for discipline, but how often do you hear the word “charity” as it applies to parenting?

And yet, of all the parenting tips you might receive, there is none more important or valuable than why, how, and when to demonstrate CHARITABLE PARENTING.

Children need a certain measure of parental charitableness for the nurturing of their hearts and to inspire them to demonstrate their beautiful potential.

In the Wisie for kids wisdom video, ‘The Meaning of Charity’, children are taught how to be charitable, and why.  Here are two inspirational quotes from it:

  • “(Charity)… is seeing someone make a mistake and saying, ‘That’s okay’.

  • “Charity makes our world a kinder, happier place.”

Consider how this can translate into parenting tips:

  • Charitable parenting is seeing your child make a mistake and saying, “That’s okay.”

  • Charity makes OUR HOME a kinder, happier place.

A charitable approach to parenting also brings out the kind, generous attitude of charity in children through modeling.

Children do need us to establish boundaries and to express our displeasure… AT TIMES.

But they also need us to be tolerant, forgiving, and patient… to practice the spirit of charity in our parenting.

Children need to be treated with enough kindness to display enough kindness.  In what ways can you demonstrate more kindness or charity with your kids?

In what instances do honestly feel that you demonstrate too much harshness and not enough charity with your child?

In this blog, share any parenting tips, or questions, that you might have
regarding nurturing the child’s sacred heart.

All of us engaged in demanding work of parenting might benefit from viewing the Wisie video: “The Meaning of Charity”.

In any event, being more mindful of the role of kindness in parenting children can help to raise happier, kinder kids.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Child Development VS Punishment

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, October 20th, 2011

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Punishing a child does not produce higher child development.

Parents resort to punishment to “teach the child a lesson”, but punishing children really does not teach children anything, except to fear getting caught. It also teaches them to be punishing.

Punishment is educational only in the sense that it models punishing behavior. It really does NOT solve behavior problems. It actually worsens them.

child development with discipline

Punishment is educational only in the sense that it models punishing behavior. It really does NOT solve behavior problems. It actually worsens them.

You do not teach your child HOW to improve his behavior by punishing.
You make him feel badly about the way that YOU behave in reaction to his behavior.

Improving a child’s behavior is about child development.

Your aim is to DEVELOP a new behavior pattern.

To develop a new behavior pattern requires modeling that behavior pattern and then guiding the child in a step-by-step manner to demonstrate and practice it.

What are your thoughts about punishing children?

Have you actually found that punishing your child has ended one of his or her behavior problems?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about
punishing and alternative ways of improving child behavior.

Punishing does not teach a child to feel remorse over the behavior
that you are punishing him or her for.

The child regrets only the punisher’s behavior, because that is all that hurts.

To improve your child’s behavior, think about the behavior that you want and turn that into a goal.

Then model the behavior you want, and lead the child, step-by-step in the process of engaging in that behavior.

For instance, if your child speaks disrespectfully, and you want to change that, listen more closely to the tone of your voice and the attitude you express when speaking.

Model more conscious, respectful speech.

Then, when your child speaks disrespectfully, guide her step-by-step in expressing what she wants to say in a more respectful way.

There are many more things you can do for the child development process leading to improved behavior.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Mental Child Discipline

By Bob Lancer
Saturday, October 8th, 2011

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Solving child behavior problems

Whenever you think of your child, practice deliberately thinking of her behaving wonderfully

When you think about child behavior problems, you are viewing a scene in your mind.

Notice how you feel when you think of your child behaving poorly.

You no doubt feel stress, probably some anxiety, maybe feelings of powerlessness, perhaps even feelings of animosity.

While thinking of your child behaving poorly, it is really NOT your child who is causing you to feel those unpleasant reactions.  It is your thinking.

One interesting aspect about the mind is that we automatically begin looking for whatever we imagine to be true.

So when you envision your child demonstrating behavior problems, whether you are thinking of the past or anticipating the future, you make it more likely that you will SEE your child behaving poorly, and that you will NOT notice how your child behaves well.

Advice for parents:

Think about how you would love your child to behave, and stop thinking
about the ways that your child behaves that you don’t like,
and you will see how much better your child behaves.

Whenever you think of your child, practice deliberately thinking of him behaving wonderfully.

Refuse to dwell on thoughts of your child behaving poorly.

Think about your child displaying the positive behaviors you want in place of any disturbing behaviors.

As you practice this consistently, you will realize that improving child discipline begins with improving the parent’s MENTAL discipline.

How often do you think of your child behaving in disturbing ways?

What child behaviors would you like to see
in place of those disturbing behaviors?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about the role of thinking as it relates to solving child behavior problems.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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The Parental Involvement Solution

By Bob Lancer
Friday, September 30th, 2011

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parenting children with involvement

The kind of involvement kids need from their parents is attentive and loving.

A sufficient measure of parental involvement is essential for a child’s development of a positive attitude and responsible behavior.

But not all forms of parent-child interaction produce desirable results.

Just being in the same room with a child while you pay only superficial attention to the child does not constitute constructive involvement.

Ignoring the child can cause the child to feel rejected, unimportant and sad.

This may cause the child to develop a passive, indifferent demeanor expressing a lack of motivation, self-respect and self-care.

Or it may incite the child’s rebellious, destructive behavior in retaliation.

Another form of parental involvement is reacting to the child’s behavior with a steady stream of impatience, annoyance and frustration.  This negativity emanating from the parent is absorbed by the child and forms or fosters the child’s negative reaction patterns.

Do you believe that you spend enough time with your child? If not, what seems to be preventing you from doing that.

What are some ways that you can make the time you spend with your child more valuable for both of you?

Share your thoughts and questions about this important aspect
of parenting your childin this blog.

The kind of involvement kids need from their parents is attentive and loving.  Child behavior problems are among the signs that a child needs more loving attentiveness.

If your child displays behavior problems, consider that the solution may NOT be firmer discipline tactics, but more attentive, loving parental involvement.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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