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Build Your Self-Confidence To Improve Your Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Saturday, March 17th, 2012

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Relationship Strategy For Overcoming The Insecurity

Whether we are conscious of it or not, that relationship problem is produced by imagining ourselves lacking in some way.

When we feel insecure in a relationship, the cause is always imaginary.

 

Whether we are conscious of it or not, that relationship problem is produced by imagining ourselves lacking in some way.

 

This causes our lack of natural, comfortable self-confidence in the relationship.

 

A common expression of insecurity is to become a “people pleaser” by trying to figure out what the other person wants us to be.

 

But this relationship strategy fails to bring us happiness, because we still feel rejected by ourselves.

 

While pretending to be what we are not we are pushing the other person away out of fear of being “found out”, which will ultimately sabotage the relationship.

 

Here is a more effective relationship strategy for overcoming the insecurity that sabotages interpersonal-bonding: improve how you see yourself rather than worrying about or trying to manipulate how others see you.

 

The following confidence-building exercise can help you to build better relationships:

 

1. Write out a list of all the personal qualities that you see in yourself that you dislike, disrespect, or disapprove of.

 

2. Then, compose a list in which you replace those qualities with abilities, characteristics or talents that you would like instead.

 

3. Spend a few minutes envisioning yourself possessing and expressing each of those more desirable qualities.

 

Performing this exercise once or twice may not relieve you of the self-esteem problem that has been preventing you from enjoying better relationships.

 

A lack of self-confidence in relationships usually stems from deeply rooted self-concept habits.

 

But as you persevere in letting go of negative thoughts about yourself, and in building up a vision of yourself expressing more beautiful, powerful, splendid qualities, you will feel more self-assured in relationships.

 

In this blog, please share your thoughts and questions about this relationship advice, and your experience of doing this confidence-building exercise.

 

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Committed Relationship Wisdom: Don’t Just Marry, Stay Engaged

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 16th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Don’t just stay married.  Stay ENGAGED.  Enjoy an engaged relationship with your spouse.

Relationship Tips For Staying Committed

Build a conscious connection with your mate. Stay PRESENT

By that I mean, build a conscious connection with your mate.  Stay PRESENT.

 

Relationships between married couples don’t work out automatically.  They require the daily application of real relationship wisdom.  They require consistently CONSCIOUS relationship work.

 

This does not have to take all the joy out of matrimony.  In fact, it may be the most powerful relationship tip for preserving AND enhancing marital joy and fulfillment.

 

Sooner or later, just about all married couples can use great date ideas.   Just going out to dinner or taking in a movie can get old. Going on a drive on a moonlit night can be special, but if you have young kids at home, that may not be easy to do, without dragging your children along. (Yippeee!)

 

Here is a better date night idea: No matter what you do or where you are, try being MORE aware of how you are ENGAGING with your mate by asking yourself:

1. Am I pressing the right buttons or the wrong buttons?

2. Am I being too serious?

3. Am I being too detached?

4. Am I even paying attention to how my mate feels?

 

Unhappy relationships, like happy relationships, don’t just happen.  They are made.

 

Not every “long distance romance” is defined by physical space!

 

You and your spouse can be in the same room and yet be in different worlds.

 

Love and marriage may start out together, but they may soon begindrifting apart.

 

But it’s never too late for a marriage makeover.  It’s never too late to make a new start.

 

You can fix your marriage by re-fixing your gaze upon your mate in the now.

 

If you begin to be more intentionally and consciously involved, you feed the spark of romantic loving attraction.

 

You may be sabotaging love without realizing it.

 

Love and relationship advice: To find better ways of engaging with your mate for a great relationship, reflect on how you handled your interactions

 

Were you harsher than you wish you had been?  Did you become more frustrated than you want to be?  Did you lash out verbally in a way that you regret?  How might you have been a more constructively engaged lover, friend or even business support for your mate?

 

Don’t beat yourself up over your shortcomings. Learn your relationship lesson! Lift yourself up by thinking about how you can do better for a better relationship.

 

Do this relationship work of reflection at the close of today for a more engaged and delightful committed relationship tomorrow.

 

In this blog, please share your thoughts and questions about engagement and marriage, and the results of your application of the love and relationship advice it presents.

 

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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6 Relationship Tips For Life-Success

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Relationships Tips To Help You Succeed

Strategically SELECT your relationships to form strategic alliances.

A positive relationship tips the balance of life toward greater fulfillment and success.

By spending time with someone whose qualities you admire, you cultivate similar admirable qualities in yourself.

Follow this advice for a relationship that helps you to succeed: be strategic about your relationship selection.

Strategically SELECT your relationships to form strategic alliances.

A strategic alliance is a relationship that you choose as part of a strategy for higher accomplishment.

An alliance with someone who demonstrates artistic represents a relationship that tips the balance of your life toward artistic success.

Here is advice for a relationship that will help you succeed in business: associate with people who have achieved business goals similar to your business goals.

Even a romantic relationship can be seen as a strategic alliance for love.

Some people feel trapped in a dissatisfying relationship, while others feel blocked from making personal connections.

They don’t realize that relationships are manifestations, results of their own creative activity.

Here are 6 relationship tips for greater success:

1. Remember that you are free to connect with others, free to form relationships with the kinds of people that you choose.

2. To take advantage of this freedom, trust in it.

3. The next step is to think about the kinds of relationships that you want to be in.

4. List the qualities of the kinds of people you want to be with.

5. Envision yourself in relationships with those people.

6. And here is perhaps the most important relationship tip: develop yourself in line with the kinds of people you want to be with.

 

In this blog, please share your thoughts about these relationship tips and the results of your application of them.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Wisdom For Better Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

Receive your FREE advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

wisdom for better relationships

Make a list of the qualities you would love to have in your relationships, like love, respect, sensitivity, fun, adventure, loyalty

Here is some wisdom for better relationships that I have learned from experience: accept the risk of being selective about your relationships.

It takes a fair degree of trust, though, to follow this advice.

For a relationship that works for you, you need to let go of relationships that work against you, but insecurity causes people to stay in destructive relationships.

I myself feel into pattern years ago, feeling so insecure about being on my own that I clung to people who did not treat me very well.

When I finally felt fed up with my own lack of courage, I decided to take the risk and step out on my own.

That is how I discovered this wisdom for better relationships.  I almost immediately found myself with opportunities for wonderful, mutually supportive relationships.

Receiving and even agreeing with wise advice for a relationship that works is easier than mustering up the courage to follow that advice.

But you can take it from me that facing your insecurity and going THROUGH it, instead of letting it stop you, will lead YOU into better relationships.

One way to bring better relationships into your life is to contemplate the kinds of relationships that you believe would feel wonderful and support your life-success.

Put this principle into practice with this exercise:

  1. Begin a list of the qualities you would love to have in your relationships, like love, respect, sensitivity, fun, adventure, loyalty, etc.
  2. Then make a list of the personal qualities you would like the other person to have, such as a fine mind, compassion, creativity, responsibility, motivation, etc.
  3. Everyday contemplate this list and add to it. As you create the relationships you want in your mind, you will attract them into your life.

In this blog, please share your experience of applying this exercise for better relationships, including the results, and any questions about it that you might have.

Receive your FREE advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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The Wisdom of Practicing Trust

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Wisdom For Trust In Relationships

You CAN experience more faith and less fear in ANY relationship. Help yourself to this glorious liberation by simply PRACTICING unconditional faith

When we experience feelings of deep love in our relationships, our hearts fill with joy.

We naturally want to hold onto that joy, to experience it all the time.

As much as we want to feel joyous in love, though, we soon find ourselves feeling unhappy and dissatisfied once again.

If we lack life-wisdom, we might presume that we must be in the wrong relationship when we feel unhappy.

But the fact is that sometimes we even feel unhappy in our relationship with OURSELVES.

The Wisie Relationship Wisdom Video entitled, You Cannot Get Along With Everyone, provides us with this wisdom solution:  “…accept yourself as one of the world’s sacred treasures.”

But this wisdom is not always easy to apply, just as it is not ALWAYS easy to regard our mate or even our child else as a “sacred treasure”.

To experience more love in your relationships, INCLUDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF, try this simple relationship help exercise:

Practice relating in faith.

Doing this means that when you don’t like something that you or another did, PRACTICE trusting that everything is going to work out wonderfully anyway.

We don’t lose joy and love in our relationships because of what has happened, but only because we have slipped into insecurity in response to what happened.

How would you feel if you KNEW that everything in your life was absolutely guaranteed to work out as wonderful as you want it to be?

What happens in relationships to trigger your feelings of insecurity which robs your feelings of joy, fulfillment and love?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about the wisdom of the practice of unconditional FAITH in life (no matter how others behave).

You CAN experience more faith and less fear in ANY relationship.  Help yourself to this glorious liberation by simply PRACTICING unconditional faith.

This is how to allow the expansion of love in all of your relationships.
Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Wisdom For A More Peaceful Marriage

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Marriage advice for couples who fight

The key is to work on putting it into practice to the best of your ability EVERY TIME YOU FEEL THE URGE TO FIGHT WITH YOUR MATE

There probably is not a couple on the planet that could not use marriage advice that pertains to improving communication.

One of the most common communication problems faced by couples is when one of the partners habitually engage in verbal fighting.

One you hear something that you don’t like, do you instantly, automatically, and thoughtlessly launch into an intense emotional reaction in the form of verbal contentiousness?  Does that characterize your partner’s communication pattern?

Fortunately, there is some great relationship help available to couples struggling with this challenge.

Marriage advice for couples who fight:

An argument takes two people.  The next time that you feel the urge to fight, simply don’t.  Instead, concentrate on feeling inner peace.

This simple piece of wisdom for a harmonious marriage may seem TOO simple to use.

To those who have already tried to apply this form of relationship help, it may seem too DIFFICULT to use.

The key is to work on putting it into practice to the best of your ability EVERY TIME YOU FEEL THE URGE TO FIGHT WITH YOUR MATE.

Your relentless commitment to practice this relationship wisdom to the best of your ability will gradually build up your power of self-control.

What does YOUR mate say or do that triggers YOUR urge to argue or fight?

What do YOU say or do that triggers off your mate’s argue-pattern?

In this blog, share what you have tried to resolve marital issues without fighting as well as any questions about this topic that you have.

There is no sane person who enjoys a marital squabble.  But the unpleasantness of your experience has nothing really to do with your partner.

As you follow the marriage advice of working on improving your reaction when you feel like bickering, you will gradually find yourself feeling more free.

Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Learn From Relationship Challenges

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Successful relationship and love advice

By examining each relationship experience you can emerge with your own love-advice for a more love-filled life.

The most essential form of love advice for relationships is this:

  • Your relationship challenges call upon you to make changes in yourself.
  • When you feel dissatisfied SEE HOW YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL THAT WAY.

It’s common to blame our mate for how frustrated we feel in our relationship, but frustration is OUR REACTION TO WHAT HAPPENS.

Your mate is not responsible for how you react.

No one but you is responsible for how you react.

Advice For Relationship Success:

  • When you react in a way that makes you feel angry, insecure or disappointed, see that reaction as something that you need to outgrow, to change, for more fulfillment in love.

Advice Regarding Seeking a New Relationship:

  • Seeking a new relationship will not help you to experience more happiness as long as you remain in your unhappy reaction patterns.
  • Free yourself from your unhappy reaction before you seek freedom from an unhappy relationship.

What takes place in your personal relationships that causes you to feel so much unhappiness that you want to flee, to escape, to run away from the relationship?

In what ways do you react in your present relationship
that cause you the most pain?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about
how personal growth is really your relationship-success solution.

Advice For Relationship Success:

  • A common cause of relationship dissatisfaction is HOLDING ONTO OUR FEELINGS OF DISSATISFACTION.
  • When you feel dissatisfied, let go of those feelings and let yourself live peacefully in the now.

Any discord or difficulty you face in a relationship presents you with a lesson that reveals how you can change or grow for more relationship satisfaction.

By examining each relationship experience you can emerge with your own love-advice for a more love-filled life.

Receive your FREE Relationships Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Discover Your Perfect Love Match

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

love advice

The real purpose of life is to learn how to live with complete fulfillment every second

How would you describe your perfect love match?

Would you know your perfect love match if you saw him or her?

In all likelihood you have come across individuals that you felt convinced were your heart’s ideal, only to be rejected by that person. How perfect was that?

The truth of the matter is that no matter how perfect a partner, or prospective partner might seem, soon you begin finding fault with that person – or that person seems to find so much fault with you that you find yourself left by the very one you thought was so right.

After repeated disappointments in love many lose hope
that there really is such a “thing” as a perfect love match.

Your perfect love match does indeed exist. But there is a caveat: It depends upon how you define perfection.

Your perfect love match is an expression of the perfection of life itself.  Every relationship presents you with exactly the lessons you need to fulfill your greater potential.

As you fulfill your greater potential you experience more fulfillment in every area of life, including the area of your love-life.

To grow into a wiser, more capable and happier person is to learn to embrace life’s hard times as much as you embrace life’s easier times.

The real purpose of life is to learn how to live
with complete fulfillment every second.

Whether we are:

  • getting along with our partner or arguing
  • feeling satisfied or dissatisfied with our partner in the present
  • feeling accepted or rejected

the purpose of the experience is to learn how to find total fulfillment.

If you are not fully enjoying your present experience, you are not living through it correctly.  This does not mean that you should judge yourself as wrong or as inadequate. It means go through the experience as a student in search of your path to total fulfillment in the now.

To experience more and more perfection in life and in love,
to find your perfect love match, look
for the perfection of the now.


Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Relationship Tip: How To NOT Get Along

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 24th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

relationship tip

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

One relationship tip that we rarely find is how to NOT get along.

And yet, such a relationship tip is really essential, because in any relationship that lasts a significant length of time, it is inevitable that there will be times when the two of you just can’t get along.

Relationship tips usually focus on how TO get along.  But just as important is knowing how to NOT get along.

There really is a healthy, constructive, beneficial way
of NOT getting along.

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

This occurs when you find either you or your partner in a very low, cranky or cantankerous mood.  Moods are bound to go up and down.

Trying to harmoniously connect with one of you feel very irritable is like
trying to drink water from an empty cup.
It is going to be just plain impossible.

Because our moods are contagious, it is easy to respond to crankiness with crankiness, and this is exactly how NOT to Not get along.

To apply this relationship tip, regard crankiness as a sign that it is time to be independent.  If you feel nervous or insecure when you cannot connect with your mate, take that as a sign that you really need this.  As your anxiety comes up, you can gradually let it go, and so “cure” yourself of excessive emotional dependency.

Irritability is a sign that a person needs some space and time to work out his or her own emotional state.  For whatever reason – it may be tiredness, hunger, a particularly challenging day, illness or something else – for the good of the relationship, let go of the relationship for a while.

If you find yourself feeling resentful, lonely, or needy when you need to give your partner some space, just let those feelings be there, without resisting them. Then focus on doing what you want to do for yourself until you find that fulfilling.

As you apply this relationship tip for how to NOT get along,
you will actually find the two of you getting along
BETTER in the long run.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Are You In A Good Relationship?

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

It’s not always easy to tell if you are in a good relationship.

are you in a bad or good love relationship?

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship

To know whether you are in a bad or good relationship you first have to be clear about how you define a good relationship.

If you define a good relationship as one that always satisfies your desires and inspires your feelings of appreciation, you actually doom yourself to a bad relationship.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you need to feel up all the time to regard yours as a good relationship, you are overlooking the fact that there is great, great good available in our challenges.

For instance, one common source of dissatisfaction in relationships is the feeling that the other person feels resentment toward you. In response to this feeling, you might resent that other person.

If you examine your feelings honestly, you will realize that any feeling of resentment that you experience, whomever you believe or imagine the source to be, exists within you.  It is YOUR state of resentment.

As long as you CHOOSE to live in a state of resentment you are CHOOSING to live without love.

If you regard another person as the cause of how you feel, you blame someone else
for the negative feelings that you choose to live in.

How you feel about ANYONE is really a choice.  It has nothing to do with how another may feel or act.

Your feelings about another are a reaction
to the thoughts you hold in mind.

Instead of resenting another for resenting you, simply let go of your own feelings of resentment and you’ll begin feeling more free, happy and in love.

A person might believe that she is not in a good relationship based on the belief, feeling or idea that her mate resents her.  But the good of that relationship is the opportunity it gives her to wake up to how she resents herself, so she can finally release herself from that pattern.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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