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How To Bring More Love Into Your Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, September 9th, 2010

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We would all love more love in our relationships. But our loving feelings for one another seem to come and go. One moment we feel loving, the next we feel hurt, resentful, disconnected. This occurs in marriage,
in our relationships with our children, in our friendships and professional relationships. It even occurs in our relationship with <em>ourselves</em>!

No matter how hard we try, we just don’t seem to have the power to bring more love into our relationships. How is it that we can want something so much, and yet seem so powerless to achieve it?

There is a law of creation that states: Within every desire is the power to satisfy it. And yet, there are so many “things” in life that we want without satisfaction. Does this negate that law? No. But it does indicate that we do not know how to work with the law.

Love and relationships are the essence of life

To access the power to satisfy your desire you have to go into your desire. All that prevents you from satisfying your desire for more love in your relationships is becoming distracted from your desire for love. When you feel hurt or angry, your attention shifts from your desire for love to another desire. It may be for revenge, for escape, for the power to turn back time in order to better defend yourself.

Within the power of desire is a feeling and a vision of the desire’s satiation. Living in the feeling and vision of the love you want instantly liberates your love, unless you resist love. As long as you resist love, you live without love.

Here, then, is a key for bringing more love into your relationships: discipline the focus of your attention to keep it focused on your desire for love. The price you must pay for love is to religiously remember to remain aware of your desire for love. You can have all the love in relationships that you want.

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Posted in Wisie for Relationship |

Relationship Advice For Strife

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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Relationship advice is often difficult to follow because it guides us to NOT follow our habitual ways. But it is our habitual ways that keep us stuck in our same old problems.

Stress affects love relationship

Don't let stress effect your love relationship

The relationship advice presented here calls upon you to overcome your habitual stress pattern.

A common mistake that couples make in their efforts to improve their lives, extricate themselves from difficulties and fulfill their responsibilities is to function in an uptight, impatient, stressful mode.

This mode, however, leads to strife in their relationship.  When you feel stressed you become difficult to get along with.  You end up inciting stress in your mate, and that makes your mate difficult to get along with.

Many of the conflicts that couples face are caused by stress. You might presume that your mate is the problem when you are living in such a stressful way that you can’t help but feel antagonized.

You make a harmonious, loving relationship unattainable for yourself as long as you refuse to live in a harmonious, loving way.  To diminish relationship strife, follow this relationship advice: diminish the stress in your life.

comforting love relationships

Build a harmonious love relationship

Stress is not caused by circumstances, but by driving ourselves too hard to control our circumstances.

To change this pattern, notice how much stress you presently feel. When you notice yourself feeling stressed, nervous, anxious or frustrated, take a breath, ease up on yourself, let go of the thoughts about what can go wrong if you don’t continue pushing yourself.

Little by little, tiny degree by tiny degree, you can replace your habitual stress with more conscious, intentional calm.

As you apply this relationship advice, you will find that you can actually be more effective and successful by functioning in a calm, confident manner, and that you find it much easier to maintain a loving, harmonious relationship with your mate.

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Posted in Wisie for Relationship, Wisie for Success |

Solve Your Problems With Positive Thinking

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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positive thinking

Positive thinking holds the key to any solution

Positive thinking is really the solution to any problem, because all of our problems exist only in our minds.

Does that sound impossible? Consider this. If you had no thought in your mind of any problem at all, you would experience a condition that we can call “problem free”.

You experience a problem only as long as you continue thinking about what you do NOT want. As long as you want problems, continue thinking about them. But when you are ready for solutions, it’s time for positive thinking.

A solution is a positive thought, is it not? You conceive of a solution when you imagine how things can work out well.  That is essentially what positive thinking is: imagining things turning out wonderfully.

Many of us mistakenly presume that the way to leave a problem behind is to hold onto it all the time!  But the first step to leaving a problem is to let go of the thoughts that create it. You need space in your mind for your solution to arrive.

Your thought of a problem is really just a sign that it is time to focus on a solution. It is time to direct the creative process of your mind. Do this by letting go of your problem mentally, and then keeping an open mind, trusting that your solution will come.  it will!

A negative thought is a thought of what you do not want in your life. As long as you think of a condition you do not want, you feel stuck in it.

As you practice staying aware of your mind’s activities you gain mastery over your thinking. Turn negative thinking into positive thinking by focusing your mind on what you want. And pay close attention to the present to see and to seize your opportunities.

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Posted in Wisie for Success |

Your Self-Help Power: A Key To Success

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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Self-help power is perhaps the single most important key to success.  Self-help power is your power to help yourself.

Think positive

Positive thoughts are powerful tools for self help

The more you blame and complain about others or circumstances, the more self-help power you lose, and the more your life seems to spin out of control.

The more you focus on what you do to cause what happens to you, the more self-help power you can access and the more effectively you can direct your own life.

We all need help from others, be we can all do more to help ourselves. Concentrate on how you can be more effective and efficient in all that you do and you will find better things happening to you.

You create your experiences. You create your problems and your solutions.  You create your obstacles and your opportunities. As long as you focus on how others set you up or let you down, though, you overlook what you do to produce your own disappointments.

To become as successful as you can be, you must fully access your total self-help power.  To do this, shift the focus of your attention away from how others cause your problems, and look for how you create what’s happening to you.

Let’s say that you feel annoyed at the way someone has treated you. As long as you think of what that person has done, you continue feeling upset. But if you shift the focus of your attention onto what you are doing, you soon realize that you are making yourself upset by thinking about that person.

Thought is a mighty power that is largely out of control for most people.  Each time that you exercise conscious control over your thinking, though, your ability to direct your thinking grows stronger.

Whatever seems to be going wrong in your life, whatever you want to achieve, direct your attention o how you are creating what is happening to you, and what you can do to access your self-help power to improve your situation.

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Posted in Wisie for Success |

A Root Of Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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Child behavior problems often stem from the way that a parent attempts to lead, direct or control the child.

When a parent directs a child to, say, pick up after himself, if it is to support the child’s development of a natural, easy tendency to demonstrate responsible self-discipline, a healthy sense of order and a sturdy foundation of self-reliance, it still may require some coaxing. But the child is more prone to cooperate because the direction is consistent with the child’s natural instinct to survive and thrive in the world.

Child behavior problems

Behavior problems hamper child development

Just being aware of the developmental benefits
that you are attempting to impart to your child
will make guiding your child’s behavior easier.

Child behavior problems fester when the parent’s intention is to control the child for the sake of the parent’s personal satisfaction, without regard for the child’s developmental interests. When parents enforce obedience for the sake of obedience, they develop in the child a blindness or a numbness to the child’s inner sense of life-wisdom. This causes the child to feel lost, confused and out of control, prompting increasingly serious behavior problems.

Your child is naturally programmed to succeed in life, but how you relate with your child may either support or thwart this programming. The appropriate goal of child discipline is not to make the child blindly obedient to the authority of the parent, but to help the child cultivate, recognize and heed the authority of his or her own inner sense of responsibility for healthy, happy success in life.

Nature programs children to diligently pursue the development of the strengths, skills and knowledge they need to succeed. The parent’s role is to facilitate this natural programming in the best interest of the child. The more consistently a parent does this, the more the child’s behavior problems dissolve into demonstrations of beautiful cooperation and personal responsibility.

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Posted in Wisie for Parenting |

Your Child Development Discipline Solution

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

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Develop your child’s greatest potential

Child development urge drives your child

Within your child exists a natural pattern of child development. Like the growth pattern in the seed of every flower and plant, in your child’s core exists a growth pattern for the blossoming of your child’s greatest potential, not just to survive but to beautifully thrive in the world.

This pattern causes children to naturally crave the guidance and direction that helps them develop the abilities and strengths they will need to “make it” in the world.

Just as nature drives flowers and plants to fulfill their glorious potential, the child development urge drives your child, from deep within, to fulfill his glorious potential. (This may in fact be the child’s most powerful motivating force, for it is a natural expression of life.)

To the extent that we thwart or oppose this child development urge, we stifle the child’s motivation to survive and thrive and may even turn that urge into a self-destructive force.

The more your attempts at directing your child’s behavior align with your child’s real developmental needs, the more willingly your child will cooperate and the more your child will make responsible choices on her own.

But when we attempt to control or direct a child to satisfy our own personal desires, irrespective of what the child actually needs to develop for healthy, happy life-success, we reverse the child’s drive to develop turn it into the drive to defy and rebel.

Ignoring or not being sufficiently tuned in to the child’s development creates behavior problems and parenting frustrations. To the extent that your direction and correction work with a child’s healthy development, the child “listens” extremely well.

So the next time that you are about to issue a direction or correction, first consider if it is really about child development or if it is just about pleasing yourself.

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Posted in Wisie for Parenting |

Improve Your Child’s Behavior Through Awareness

By Bob Lancer
Sunday, August 29th, 2010

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Any anger that you exhibit in response to your child’s behavior works against you and against your child.

To find this out for yourself, closely observe how your child responds, in subtle and obvious ways, to your expressions of anger, frustration, impatience, annoyance and exasperation.

You will soon observe, through your child’s facial expressions, body language, and through your child’s behavior, that your angry reactions lower your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence and causes your child’s behavior to worsen.

Also notice how your angry reactions to your child’s behavior impact you. You will find that they drain you of energy, lower your morale, make parenting unpleasant (if not torturous at times), and makes you more irritable and less effective in every other area of your life, including marriage. If you react with anger on a routine basis you will also see that it negatively impacts your health.

Anger creates behavior problems

Irresponsible angry responses can lead to behavior problems

Once you recognize that your reaction is not working, you can change it. But changing your behavior requires that you first take total responsibility for it. As long as you blame your child, or your child’s behavior, for the way that you behave, you continue giving your child the power to make you react.

As long as you believe that you have no choice but to react in the same old way to the same old problems, your belief keeps you trapped in those old reactions, and those old reactions keep re-creating the same old problems.

Improving your response to your child’s behavior begins with taking total responsibility for your responses and maintaining the open-minded attitude that you can always find a better way.

To begin improving the quality of your experience and your results in parenting, reject any belief that tells you that you cannot change, or that you need your child’s behavior to change before you can change what you do and how you feel about your child’s behavior.

So the most important key is to be aware in the now. You have to notice what you are doing, how you are feeling, and even what you are believing in the present moment to make better choices for better results.

As you become more aware of how you are responding to your child’s behavior, and to the results of those responses, you will find ways to improve your child’s behavior and your parenting experiences.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Posted in Wisie for Parenting |

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