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Dream Your Way To Parental Control

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, June 16th, 2011

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To improve your parental control, improve your dream control.

parental control

Enjoy increasing parental control and less parent-child conflict

Envisioning yourself in-charge, with love, and without anger and stress, helps you to achieve more parental control.

To apply this empowering parent-wisdom, think about a situation in which you find your parental control challenged by your child’s behavior.

Perhaps it happens at bedtime when your child suddenly refuses to cooperate, and you find yourself repeating directions several times, until you finally lose your patience.

Now, imagine that scene happening, but this time, imagine yourself demonstrating your ideal form of parental control.

Envision yourself feeling perfectly calm, content,
confident and in control.

Envision the entire scene flowing smoothly,
with love, ease and fulfillment.

Often, when parents feel frustrated by their child’s behavior, they repeatedly remember the difficult scenarios, envisioning their stressful, frustrating experience of lacking parental control.

But improving your control in your relationship with children begins with improving your control of yourself, and that begins with taking control of your dreams – of the imaginary visions that you focus on in your mind.

When a parent worries about future lapses of parental control,
or painfully recalls past episodes of previous “child behavior
chaos”, the parent allows negative dreaming
to rule his or her mind.

Practice the following to dream your way to improved parental control:
1. Pay attention to your thinking to recognize when you are envisioning disturbing parent-child experiences.
2. When you notice this happening, shift the focus of your thinking into envisioning that scene as you would love it to be

Your experiences with your child will gradually reflect your positive visions
of delightful parent-child scenarios more and more.

To further improve your interactions with your child, ask your child to spend time dreaming or envisioning himself or herself behaving beautifully.

Children often want to behave better than they do, but because of tiredness, habits, or other influences, they find self-control just too difficult.

By teaching your child about the positive power of directed dreaming or envisioning, you empower your child to lead a more successful life.

Guiding your child into envisioning the positive behavior you want helps you to enjoy increasing parental control and less parent-child conflict.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Forgiveness & Child Development

By Bob Lancer
Monday, June 6th, 2011

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Teaching children about the healing powers of forgiveness is an important aspect of child development.

Child development

Forgiveness is the foundation for positive child development

But it is also quite challenging.  Without realizing it, parents teach their children about withholding forgiveness when they carry and convey a resentful attitude toward them.

The Child Development Process
Is Not Always Positive.

Through our own, sometimes unconscious, patterns, we may develop negative traits and tendencies in our children.

The fact is that you cannot really improve your child’s behavior before you truly forgive your child for the misbehavior that you want to change.

Forgiveness Is The Basis For Supporting
Positive Child Development.

Holding onto resentment holds onto a form of toxic, unhealthy stress at a deep level, which compromises healthy organic functioning to some degree.  High blood pressure, migraine headaches and even heart problems can be linked to anger patterns.

As we learn how to dissolve our resentments, we also dissolve the barriers to optimum health that they induce.

Modeling Represents The Most Potent Way Of Influencing
Child Development And Child Behavior.

Parents automatically instill an unhealthy pattern in their children by holding onto resentment.

Forgiveness is our natural, healthy and healing state.  You don’t have to create forgiveness. You simply need to unblock it by releasing yourself from resentment.

As long as you feel resentment toward your child, your child lacks real trust in you, and then the child’s insecure emotional condition develops into problematic behavior.

As You Release Yourself From Resentment, You Release Positive
Child Development Through Healthy Modeling And Love.

When the child senses that your heart is clear, open and loving, a harmonizing influence enters and spreads throughout the child’s nervous system, promoting optimum organic health and healing.

Here is how to dissolve resentment for the sake of positive child development:

1.      Notice what you are thinking about when you feel resentment.

2.      The instant you notice the thought that keeps you feeling resentful, let that thought go by focusing your attention elsewhere

Releasing the healing powers of forgiveness for positive child development is a simple matter of releasing yourself from the resentful thinking that blocks love’s flow.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Parenting Children Without Overwhelm

By Bob Lancer
Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

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Parenting children without overwhelm IS possible. Understanding the cause and cost of parenting children with overwhelm begins to set you free.

Parenting children

Parenting children without overwhelm IS possible

You are NOT overwhelmed by the typical daily demands of raising children.

Overwhelm is a state that you place yourself in by straining yourself to meet life’s demands.

Overwhelm Is Not Only Painful.
It Is Counter-Productive.

You enter overwhelm in parenting children by overtaxing yourself. An unbalanced mode of parenting is the real cause of parent fatigue, burn-out, and impatience.

When you feel overwhelmed you react from frustration, instead of responding from inspiration. This blocks your ability to recognize what your child really needs from you to behave well, to feel good, and to develop into his/her great potential.

Parenting Children Responsibly Does Not Demand Overwhelm.

It Demands That We Maintain Our Balance And Avoid
Slipping Into Modes Of Stress And Strain.

If you regard your child as the cause of your stress and strain, or blame your overwhelm on all the rest of your responsibilities, you blind yourself to your freedom, power and responsibility to improve the way that function.

The Measure Of Difficulty Of Parenting Children
Depends Upon How You Approach It.

Your feelings are signs that point you in the direction of healthy, balanced living.

If you hold onto the belief that being responsible means driving yourself so hard that you feel unhappy, frustrated, burned out, your belief, not your children or your responsibilities, prevents you from parenting children less stressfully.

To access your own best judgment, creativity and problem-solving ability, you need to feel basically calm, relaxed, well-rested, and inspired.

To free yourself of parenting children in a state of overwhelm:

  1. Pay more attention to how you feel throughout the day
  2. The instant you feel stress and strain setting in, stop trying to control the situation or your children. Ease up on yourself.
  3. Practice maintaining your unstrained composure as you fulfill your daily responsibilities.

As you apply these three simple steps consistently and persistently, you will enjoy parenting children with less and less overwhelm, and more and more love, joy, AND success.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Life’s Success Training

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

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Success secret: Train yourself to seek your path

The moment you begin looking for a way to succeed, you begin finding your way to succeed.

Your life IS a perfect success training opportunity.

Every experience that you go through offers you an education in how to go through it better.

If you look for a better way to live in this moment, you will find it.  “Seek and you will find” is a provable law of life and one of life’s greatest success training secrets.

Train yourself to seek your path to truly
fulfilling success in the now.

What are you looking for?

  • a higher income?
  • a higher level of accomplishment?
  • A higher levels of talent?
  • a higher level of love, joy and fulfillment?

Your daily living experiences offer you the success training opportunities you need to turn your dreams into reality.

The moment you begin looking for a way to succeed,
you begin finding your way to succeed.

If you feel stuck in any way, open your mind to the educational opportunity offered to you right now.  Observe what you say, think, feel and do and notice what that causes you to go through.

Then simply look for  better, more effective and efficient way to achieve your goals and you will find it.

When you go through disappointment or difficulty, accept the opportunity for great success training. Look for the lessons that you can use to be more successful, and you will find those lessons even in the darkest times.

To find success, define what you mean by “success”. Training for triumph requires first that you know the triumph you want.  Define and envision a particular goal.  Then ask yourself, “What abilities do I need to develop to achieve this?” You will receive an answer defining the training for success that you need.

Your current level of accomplishment in any area of life is an exact reflection of your current level of ability.  To achieve a higher level of success, training is required.

The best form of success training is to work on developing the abilities you feel most inspired to develop, and to turn every life-experience into a lesson that points to training you can use to lead a more successful life.

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Posted in Wisie for Parenting |

Discover Your Perfect Love Match

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

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love advice

The real purpose of life is to learn how to live with complete fulfillment every second

How would you describe your perfect love match?

Would you know your perfect love match if you saw him or her?

In all likelihood you have come across individuals that you felt convinced were your heart’s ideal, only to be rejected by that person. How perfect was that?

The truth of the matter is that no matter how perfect a partner, or prospective partner might seem, soon you begin finding fault with that person – or that person seems to find so much fault with you that you find yourself left by the very one you thought was so right.

After repeated disappointments in love many lose hope
that there really is such a “thing” as a perfect love match.

Your perfect love match does indeed exist. But there is a caveat: It depends upon how you define perfection.

Your perfect love match is an expression of the perfection of life itself.  Every relationship presents you with exactly the lessons you need to fulfill your greater potential.

As you fulfill your greater potential you experience more fulfillment in every area of life, including the area of your love-life.

To grow into a wiser, more capable and happier person is to learn to embrace life’s hard times as much as you embrace life’s easier times.

The real purpose of life is to learn how to live
with complete fulfillment every second.

Whether we are:

  • getting along with our partner or arguing
  • feeling satisfied or dissatisfied with our partner in the present
  • feeling accepted or rejected

the purpose of the experience is to learn how to find total fulfillment.

If you are not fully enjoying your present experience, you are not living through it correctly.  This does not mean that you should judge yourself as wrong or as inadequate. It means go through the experience as a student in search of your path to total fulfillment in the now.

To experience more and more perfection in life and in love,
to find your perfect love match, look
for the perfection of the now.


Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Achieve Parental Control

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

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Parenting tip for achieving parental control

A power-struggle begins when your child displays the power to defy your direction.

To achieve parental control, one thing you need to know is how to end a power-struggle between you and your child.

A power-struggle begins when your child displays
the power to defy your direction.

The longer you engage in a power-struggle, the more energy you waste and the more your child learns how to lock you into a futile power-struggle.

As long as you continue using the same approach to win the struggle, you are actually perpetuating the struggle and experiencing a lack of parental control.

You will begin experiencing more parental control when you shift your focus from trying to control your child to controlling yourself.

Your child’s resistance seems to be causing the power-struggle, but it is also true that your behavior started the power-struggle and perpetuates it.

By focusing on what YOU are doing, you empower yourself
to change what you do for different results.

Move toward increasing parental control by first relaxing YOUR resistance.  Resistance starts with a feeling of inner tension, pressure, forcing and conflict.

As you relax, you stop wasting energy on contending for power.  This conserves your energy and brings you a welcome sense of relief.

As you relax, you help your child to relax.  As you let go of your effort to oppose your child, your child will be more inclined to leg go of his/her effort to oppose you.  The power-struggle is then transformed into peace.

From peace, you can move to the next level of parental control.

Consider what you want done and exercise your power to actually make it happen, without conflict.  This might mean:

  • taking the inappropriate object from your child’s hand rather than asking for it over and over.
  • shutting off the TV instead of repeatedly demanding your child to do it
  • simply letting your older child know that if he does not do his homework he will not be receiving his allowance.

You cannot always get a child to do as you want without a struggle, but you can
avoid wasting your power on a struggle and enjoy greater parental control.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Success Secret Of The Ages: It’s All A Gift

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 24th, 2011

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Here is a success secret that that just may change your life:
relate to everything as your perfect gift.

What happens to you does not really impact how you feel. Attitude makes the difference between joy and sorrow, appreciation and disdain.

When you relate to what is happening right now, even when it includes suffering, as your perfect gift, you will begin feeling better about what happens.

You will be less fearful of unpleasant situations when you apply this success secret. You will begin to see the pure and perfect opportunity delivered by each moment.

When we compare our situation to another’s, and ours seems to come up short by comparison, we are doing the opposite of applying this success secret, and suffering the painful, pointless consequences.

There is no experience to resist.
It’s all a gift.

success secret

Here is a success secret that that just may change your life: relate to everything as your perfect gift.

  • Discouragement is a gift and elation is a gift.
  • Consciousness is a gift and unconsciousness is a gift.
  • Harmony is a gift and discord is a gift.
  • Knowing it’s a gift is a gift and not knowing it’s a gift is a gift.
  • Loss is a gift and gain is a gift.
  • Kindness is a gift and insanity is a gift.
  • Health is a gift and illness is a gift.
  • Getting it right is a gift and getting it wrong is a gift.
  • Pleasure is a gift and pain is a gift.

This success secret will come to life for you if you remember to question your reaction whenever you feel deprived or let down in any way.

Simply open your mind to the possibility that whatever is happening comes to you from the perfect love and wisdom of an absolutely Good Order Delivery system (or God).

Apply this success secret to discover your fearful resistance melting away, replaced by a sense of grateful release and relief.

Perhaps the most profound success secret of the ages posits the Source of what happens as infinite perfection.

Plato referred to the basic pattern of existence as essentially Good. You will also find this success secret in:

  • the Hermetic wisdom of Egyptian antiquity
  • in the ancient Tao
  • in Hinduism
  • In the Jewish Kabbalah
  • at the heart of Christianity
  • in the teachings of Buddhism
  • in the transcendental philosophies of Whitman and Emerson

It is only our superficial judgment and habitual emotional reaction
that turns any event against us.

Apply this success secret of the ages to discover just how good – how great – how wonderful your life CAN be.

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Relationship Tip: How To NOT Get Along

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 24th, 2011

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relationship tip

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

One relationship tip that we rarely find is how to NOT get along.

And yet, such a relationship tip is really essential, because in any relationship that lasts a significant length of time, it is inevitable that there will be times when the two of you just can’t get along.

Relationship tips usually focus on how TO get along.  But just as important is knowing how to NOT get along.

There really is a healthy, constructive, beneficial way
of NOT getting along.

The first part of this relationship tip has to do with recognizing when the time has arrived when you are not going to be able to get along.

This occurs when you find either you or your partner in a very low, cranky or cantankerous mood.  Moods are bound to go up and down.

Trying to harmoniously connect with one of you feel very irritable is like
trying to drink water from an empty cup.
It is going to be just plain impossible.

Because our moods are contagious, it is easy to respond to crankiness with crankiness, and this is exactly how NOT to Not get along.

To apply this relationship tip, regard crankiness as a sign that it is time to be independent.  If you feel nervous or insecure when you cannot connect with your mate, take that as a sign that you really need this.  As your anxiety comes up, you can gradually let it go, and so “cure” yourself of excessive emotional dependency.

Irritability is a sign that a person needs some space and time to work out his or her own emotional state.  For whatever reason – it may be tiredness, hunger, a particularly challenging day, illness or something else – for the good of the relationship, let go of the relationship for a while.

If you find yourself feeling resentful, lonely, or needy when you need to give your partner some space, just let those feelings be there, without resisting them. Then focus on doing what you want to do for yourself until you find that fulfilling.

As you apply this relationship tip for how to NOT get along,
you will actually find the two of you getting along
BETTER in the long run.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Parent Help For Child Meltdowns (1)

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

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Child development is hampered by instability at home

The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along

Understanding the many factors that may contribute to a child’s routine emotional

meltdowns may provide a concerned parent with the help needed for solving the problem:

  • A parent is slipping into deep states of depression or discouragement and coping poorly with that by engaging in destructive action or speech
  • The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along, or parents discussing (or going through) separation or divorce.
  • The child routinely feels tired because she is staying up too late or not getting enough sleep (or the child is suffering from some other form of physical distress)
  • Children “melt down” (as adults often do) when they feel that they are not receiving the parent help they need when they use more calm forms of expression.  This can be the result of:
    • The parents paying insufficient attention to the child BEFORE she blows up or acts out
    • The parents responding defensively to the child’s attempts to communicate a need.
    • The parents over-relying on the child’s ability to verbally articulate her wants and needs – At least 75% of communication is NON-verbal, and to receive that message you have to observe facial expressions, physical behavior, gestures, voice tones, etc.
    • The parents interrupt and talk over the child when she is trying to express herself verbally.
  • The parents routinely express an attitude of “I am right and you are wrong” rather than expressing, “I hear and understand you and will do my best to give you the parent help you need for happiness AND responsibility”.
  • Someone in the household is modeling emotional explosiveness and blaming it on someone else.  (Usually the parent explodes in response to the child and blames the child for the anger, resentment, impatience, frustration and outburst.)

Part 2 of Parent Help For Child Emotional Meltdowns will be posted in the next parenting blog entry.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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“Secret” Skills for Success

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

There are many commonly known skills for success, including

success-secrets

Focus on the now to feel renewed. Now is a new beginning

  • Time management
  • Clarifying goals
  • Building strategic alliances
  • Adhering to integrity
  • Pursing ongoing self-development
  • Persevering

There are also less well-known or more secret skills for success.

One pertains to an essential ingredient for perseverance: the success skill of dropping burdensome memories of how many times you have started, or of how long you have worked without results.

Achieving major goals can take a very long time;
longer than you ever thought it would
or even should take you.

Making effort can grow increasingly tiresome. If you think about past disappointments you can begin to feel discouraged.

As discouragement mounts it drains more and more of the power and focus we need to make the most possible progress toward your desired destination.

If you are feeling frustrated or disheartened about achieving a goal, this is one of the most important skills for success for you to remember.

Focus on the now to feel renewed.
Now is a new beginning.

To hold onto your past is to horde experiences, which clutters your way forward. To enter the now, let the past go.

Be a beginner now: now is the time to begin the creation of what you want right now.

Here is another of those “secret” skills for success; it relates to letting go of the past.  This is the success skill of being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present.

You have to notice that you are holding
onto the past to let it go!

As you practice the skills for success of:

  • Being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present
  • And of letting go of the burden of thinking about the disappointing past, you accomplish two things

  1. You will feel freer, lighter and more energized in the present moment
  2. You will be giving your all right now for all you want right now

Put these skills for success to work for you to discover just how wonderfully they really do work!

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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