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Child behavior problems often stem from the way that a parent attempts to lead, direct or control the child.
When a parent directs a child to, say, pick up after himself, if it is to support the child’s development of a natural, easy tendency to demonstrate responsible self-discipline, a healthy sense of order and a sturdy foundation of self-reliance, it still may require some coaxing. But the child is more prone to cooperate because the direction is consistent with the child’s natural instinct to survive and thrive in the world.
Behavior problems hamper child development
Just being aware of the developmental benefits
that you are attempting to impart to your child
will make guiding your child’s behavior easier.
Child behavior problems fester when the parent’s intention is to control the child for the sake of the parent’s personal satisfaction, without regard for the child’s developmental interests. When parents enforce obedience for the sake of obedience, they develop in the child a blindness or a numbness to the child’s inner sense of life-wisdom. This causes the child to feel lost, confused and out of control, prompting increasingly serious behavior problems.
Your child is naturally programmed to succeed in life, but how you relate with your child may either support or thwart this programming. The appropriate goal of child discipline is not to make the child blindly obedient to the authority of the parent, but to help the child cultivate, recognize and heed the authority of his or her own inner sense of responsibility for healthy, happy success in life.
Nature programs children to diligently pursue the development of the strengths, skills and knowledge they need to succeed. The parent’s role is to facilitate this natural programming in the best interest of the child. The more consistently a parent does this, the more the child’s behavior problems dissolve into demonstrations of beautiful cooperation and personal responsibility.
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